This Little Light of Mine

We made a shocking discovery this morning when the sun came up.  We had failed to pull the drapes completely closed.  Now I realize in the grand scheme of things it is not that big a deal.  However, if you are snuggled in your bed, resting the knowledge you have no reason to rise, savoring the last minutes of a blissful night’s sleep and a bright shaft of light penetrates your best defenses and pokes you in the eye, it is quite shocking.

Needless to say we woke up. My wife read me a few inspirational quotes which had been posted while we slumbered and as she started to get out of the bed, turned to me and said you looked like an angel.  The shaft of light was now illuminating my face, giving me a heavenly glow.  It is an image I hope she recalls the next time I do something which makes her feel as if I am anything but angelic.

After she left, I pondered the difficulty of controlling light.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized this shaft of light which awakened us from our nights rest was also awakening me to a misconception I have carried with me for a long time.  I have believed it is darkness that is difficult to control.  I am not alone in this assumption.

Think about the movies you have seen where darkness is given form in the shape of a moving cloud or shadow which is envelops the environment in which the characters find themselves.  It invades like an oozing gloom, which surrounds and penetrates everything in its path.  It seems impossible to protect against, or push it back.  On its edges people cry out in anguish and fear and in its wake it leaves death and destruction.

This makes for good cinema, but this shaft of light has me wondering if this image is not giving too much credit to darkness  and overlooking the reality of light. In fact, maybe realty is just the opposite of how we normally think about it.

Think about how hard it is to control light.  You might say, well it is as simple as flipping a switch.  All I have to do is walk over to the wall, turn the toggle to the off position and the incandescent light goes out.  This is true, it does cause the light to go out, but it also reveals other sources of light which may have gone unnoticed before the flow of electrons was cut off.  I experience this every night when I turn off the lights in our family room.  What I experience is not darkness, but the room being flooded by another source, the street lamp in our alley.  This is a source of light which I have no control over.

I don’t know if you have ever tried to create an utterly dark space.  When I was in high school, I got together with a few of my friends and decided to build a maze out of hay bales for a Halloween.   We moved hundreds of hail bales and built a monster maze.  We wanted it to be completely dark.  This seemed like it would be an easy task since we were building this outside of town, on a farm.  

After the hay was in place and the roof had been formed by the cardboard we scrounged from local businesses, we discovered the pitch blackness we were trying to achieve was constantly being broken by small shafts of light which invaded from every small crack an pin hole formed from the uneven edges of the bales and the marrying of two dissimilar building materials.  We actually had to develop a process where one person crawled through the maze to identify where the light was spilling into the darkness, and another was outside trying to cover and plug any opening which allowed the light from the farmhouse or moon to seep in.  Rather than darkness filling every nook and cranny, it seemed our problem was just the opposite.  Light seemed to possess the characteristics we so often attribute to darkness.

One of the things I have notices about light is that it does not simply penetrate, it also spreads.  If you have ever noticed a pin hole of light breaking through a crack or hole and followed it to the opposite side of the room, what seems  like only a small intrusion can actually have the effect of illuminating a large section of the  floor or wall.  If this is in an old barn, where there is dust particles hanging in the air, you can actually see the shaft of light making its way across the room.  If you have not been in a barn, you have probably seen this effect on a day when the cloud layer does not fully cover the sky and the light of the sun shines through.  I have a friend who calls this kind of light Jesus light because of its beauty.

She is not far off.  Scripture tells us that Jesus is the light of the world. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness. 

I wonder what it would be if we attributed to light, especially the light of Christ, the characteristics we so often ascribe to darkness.  We assume darkness cannot be mastered.  That it will spread and envelop everything in its path and there is little we can do about it, but the reality is to dispel darkness all you have to do is introduce light, because light trumps darkness.  It is the element that cannot be controlled.  It penetrates and envelopes every space which provides even the smallest point of entry.

If you do not believe me, tonight, in the middle of the night, stumble out of bed, make your way to the wall and flip the switch to on.  Immediately, the introduction of light will chase all darkness from the room.  It moves so quickly you cannot even observe it happen.  After your eyes have adjusted and your spouse or roommate has quit throwing pillows at you, turn the light off and notice all the other forms of light which prevent the room from being enveloped in total darkness.

Given the reality of light’s effect on darkness, what would it be if rather than obsessing on how dark it is we simply embraced reality, and went around creating the pinholes and cracks through which light will spread and chase away any shadows which are present.  How much worry and stress have we invested in trying to keep darkness at bay, when all we have to do is flip a switch and introduce light?

One of the friends who crawled through the maze we built was claustrophobic.  Despite this fact, she did not want to miss out on the fun.  She psyched herself up, pushed back the darkness in her mind and bravely entered our tunnel.  She was able to make her way about halfway in before she could no longer hold back the darkness and the walls closed in.  She began to cry out.  A friend was standing outside the maze and heard her call for help.  He guessed from the sound where she might be and simply reached down and lifted off the cardboard roof.  Light flooded in, darkness was chased away, and her fear went with it.

The Scriptures does more than simply tell us Jesus is the light of the world.  In it we hear Jesus as he turn to his disciples and says, “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”

In some way, all who have responded to the light of Christ, have become pinholes, cracks and windows through which this light, which cannot be controlled, floods into our worlds.  How much more darkness would be dispelled if we quit worrying about how dark it is and simply enlarged the hole, opened the crack, and throw open the shutters. 

I cannot help but wonder, in the next month, as we moved through advent, preparing our hearts for the celebrations of light making its way into our world, what opportunities we will be given to shine.  As we delight in the lights with which we will decorate or homes and our trees, could we also find great joy in searching for the openings which will present the chance for the light of Christ to shine through us.

With this thought in mind, I think it is time to get out of the bed, toss back the curtains and greet the day.

My Pink Bracelet

I have recently taken to wearing a pink bracelet.  Though I have no problem rocking the pink, I do not wear it for the sake of fashion.  While we have just exited breast cancer awareness month and saw pink show up everywhere from National Football League to NASCAR, I do not wear it bring awareness to the fight against this disease, though I would love nothing more than to see it eradicated. I began wearing this bracelet to remind me to pray for a courageous girl named Liz.

Elizabeth is her full name and three years ago she began to experience medical issues which have tested her physically, mentally, emotionally, and spirituality. Without going into all that she has suffered, I will simply share  I have seen her walk with dignity through so much more than most of the adults I know could have endured.  At times, I have wondered how I would have fared if I had to walk the road she has traveled.  I am pretty sure I would have not been able to do it with as much grace and strength as this young lady has demonstrated.

Her mother has been gracious enough to invite us to bear witness to the journey this young lady is walking.  In the process we have seen times when Liz will muster what seems like supernatural strength to face the next battery of invasive tests. We have seen her demonstrate hopefulness in seasons where most of us might have been tempted to sink into despair. In the midst of her struggle, she has found ways to give to and bless others who also find themselves in a season of struggle. We have been able to watch Liz take great delight and exhibit genuine thankfulness in simple pleasures most of us take for granted.  We have gazed at images of  her face being covered with a surgical mask as she waits for the next procedure.  This mask cannot hide her beautiful smile which gives clue to the fact that the center of who she is does not rest in her present circumstance.

Do not get me wrong, she has hard days.  Liz after all is human, but in the midst of these hard days are the traces of the sacred in her life the bear witness to the fact there is something much bigger than her suffering going on here.  As I said, we have been invited to witness this journey, and I, along with many others, have been paying close attention to the way in which she and her family have been walking this path.  We are not bystanders who are watching from sidelines with curiosity, but a community of people who desire for this journey to end in healing, or at least in a diagnoses which can bring understanding, treatment and relief.  Liz has not yet arrived at the destination all our hearts have longed for. 

As a reminder to ourselves of the privilege we have to in someway to walk this journey with her and her family, and as an invitation for others to come witness the sacredness of what is taking place, we wear these pink bracelets.  There are words written on them.  Though they help us remember what Liz is going through, they do not say “Remember Liz”.  Though they help us to pray for Liz, they do not say “Pray for Liz”.  What they say is “Live Like Liz”.

While I only received my bracelet a short time ago, I have been amazed at how it has done so much more than remind me to pray for Liz.  Just the other day I was dealing with my own pain, which in no way compares with what Liz has been facing, but is real none the less.  In the middle of this I caught a glimpse of the pink band around my wrist. I read the words.  I was reminded of how she faces this struggle and I was inspired by this young girl’s example. In the process, something in my heart grew in its capacity to face my own path.  There was something very redemptive about this.  It was a gift to me, born of watching her endure this trial with such strength.

I say it is a gift, but I want you to understand, I do not think what Liz is going through is a gift.  This weekend I heard a pastor say, “I believe there are things which happen to us which are not God’s will.”  I agree with him. I do not believe it is God’s will for a young girl to suffer what Liz has suffered, or for her parents and family to have to endure walking this path with her.  It is hard for us, with our finite minds, to wrap our brains around the fact God in His sovereignty can allow something to happen to us which is in fact not in His will for us.  We see this every time we turn from Him, every time we chose sin, every time we settle for less than the life He longs for us to embrace, and I think we see it very clearly in the suffering of a young girl who is enduring more than God would have ever willed for her to experience.

This reality does not mean Grace cannot be found here.  As hard and tiring as this journey has been for her and her parents, in the moments when rest comes I know they would tell you of their experience of God’s grace and mercy in the midst of this trial. Part of the way this grace is shown is in the ability He has to take what was meant for evil and bring good out of it.  It is a great good when others, like me, can contemplate the manner in which a young girl faces the pain and suffering she is forced to endure and we find in her an example of what is necessary to reshape our own hearts response to affliction.

If I could chose, I would rather she never had suffered.  I would prefer to not have the capacity to learn from her.  I wish she had nothing to teach me because she did not have to walk this path.  Given these wishes are not based in the truth she experiences, I am grateful for the reality this suffering is being redeemed. 

The fact God is able to bring redemption in the midst of suffering does not change the desire I have for the healing to take place and the suffering to end.  It also does not change my belief God laments with us over what Liz and her family has to endure or the fact that my heart breaks every time I hear of a setback.   It does, however, give me the hope none of this will be in vain.  Great good is being born out of what I can only count as the most sinister evil.  Redemption is already at work, even if we have yet to see it manifest its fullness in healing. 

Oh how my heart longs for that day.

I hope at the end of all this when she is well, maybe when she has grown into a woman, I can sit down with her and try to explain how inspirational she has been to me.  I want to be able to explain to her how God used her life to shape mine and how much good came out of the terrible suffering she had to endure.  Maybe then, we can sit together and hold the mystery of how our God can take what He never willed and redeem it.  We can marvel with one another at His ability to birth life out what was meant for destruction, and we can rejoice in the fact this season is in the past.

The promise of these things brings me hope.  It is what I cry out to God for.  It is why I wear a pink bracelet.  I am being changed by what it represents, the life of this incredible young girl. There is truth in the words I wear on my wrist.  I want to live like Liz.

Look Up

So often in life, especially when circumstances are difficult or leave you feeling as if the future is unknown, we find our focus becomes fixated on the predicament we find ourselves in rather than the One who is with us.  This propensity can lead us to a lack of contentment, anxiousness and a loss of hope. 

Because we are so focused on the circumstance, we believe the answer is to somehow try and fix or control the situation.  If we are unsuccessful in this endeavor, this may lead to despair.  If we are able to manage this level of control over our situation, it may eliminate the pain and pressure of the circumstance, but it may also lead us to put our hope is something far smaller than the God of the universe.  This in turn will lead us to live in a very small story, in which we are always susceptible to being blown about by the winds of our changing circumstances.

This is not the life we were designed to live.

Given this reality, I have been spending time contemplating the character and nature of God.  It seems the only appropriate response to the circumstances in which I find myself.  I do not know if you have ever been lost in the woods, without a GPS, map, or clearly marked trail.  When this happens, after the initial anxiousness subsides, the thing to do is to look up and try to find yourself a landmark which you recognize that can guide you out of our state of lostness and back to a place where you can rest in the comfort of knowing exactly where you are. 

When there are no landmarks, you turn your attention to the Sun, or the Moon if it is night, and because you know the consistency with which they make their way through the heavens, they help you to gain your bearings and guide you back to a place of foundness.  When the wilderness is your life, focusing on the character and nature of God, because we know the consistency of who He is, provides the same kind of help..

Focusing on these things has put me in a place of contemplating God's vastness.  He is so vast; there is not a place where He is not.  I cannot find myself so lost that He is not there.  I have pondered God’s infinitude.  There are no boundaries to His existence, knowledge and power.  I cannot find myself in a situation which He is unaware of, lacks the power to intervene in, or which will last beyond His ability to intercede. 

I can go on and on.  I could talk about His goodness, justice, mercy and grace, all of which know no bounds.  I could speak of His holiness, perfection, and trustworthiness, which ought to engender hope and belief.  There is, however, something else which I have been thinking about that has helped me see another aspect of God that gives me an entirely different view of why He is worth looking to in this season.  While reading 1 Timothy this morning I was struck by God’s willingness to allow His own desires to go without being completely fulfilled. 

As the Apostle Paul is urging his reader to pray for all men he says, “This is good and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.”  Here is what is at the core of the heart of God.  It is born out of love.  It has motivated Him to humble himself and become a man.  It caused the Father to sacrifice the son.  It caused the Son to be willing to submit to the will of the Father.  It is the desire the Holy Spirit works to bring about.  Because this desire is so close to the heart of God, our lostness becomes the conflict to be resolved in the grand story of God.  Every plot-line which is introduced and developed is leading toward the climax of this desired fulfillment.

While I am in no position to judge, on the surface it seems to me from what I can observe, not “all men” have or will respond to the loving pursuit of God.  How hard it must be for Him, to know the way of life, and yet to be willing to allow all men to decide for themselves whether they will choose to walk along this path.  How hard it must be because He knows all things, including the fact there is no other hope to be found, to desire such good for all men, only to see that desire remain unfulfilled. 

My temptation if I were God, given the fact I would not only know all good, but am all good, would be to force people into the good, but He does not do this.  He is willing to set aside His desire to allow us to choose to come to this knowledge or not.  This fact must also be good, for He is always good to us.

As I am trying to wrap my head around this goodness and what it means, another thought occurs to me.  What if in the process of experiencing our own unfulfilled desires we are able to discover something of the heart of God.  What if in having something that seems like the ultimate good go unfulfilled we are actually given the experience of what is like to be the Father of the Prodigal Son, always about our work, but also always with one eye focused down the road, hoping for that day he sees the silhouette of his son making his way back home.

In the story, the son returns and there is much rejoicing.  In life, we know the Father’s will is that all would return, but many never make their way back down that road.  In our unfilled desires we catch a glimpse of how the Father’s heart must ache.  Yes, our heart aches but in the pain it also instruct us on just how much love this all knowing, all powerful, ever present God has for us.

This should cause our hearts to look up when we are lost, to take our eyes off of the circumstances of our life and remember the one who waits at the end of the road.  It is in this image which will lead us out of lostness  to the place of being found.  When we come to rest in our foundness we will discover the great joy of knowing all the desires that have been set aside along the way, if fulfilled, could in no way replace the peace, joy and contentment we have come to know.

This is my hope.  It is why in the midst of my present circumstances I choose to look up.

Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

Psalm 139:7-12

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.

 If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.

 

A Big Day

Some days are bigger than others.  You did not need to read my blog to know this.  All I have to say is 9/11, Black Monday or Good Friday and you not only know what happened, but you probably can even attach emotion to it.  These kinds of days shape the collective conscious of an entire nation and people.  

 

There are other big days which do not affect nearly as many.  For those who are touched, however, they are just as big. They may only influence a community, or even just a small group of friends, but the impact of the day for those people is as significant as any big day we all remember.

I have had the great privilege of being part of many communities and groups of friends that have existed at the same time and often over lapped one another.  Today was a big day for one of those communities.

It started when I got a call from a friend who was heading to the hospital with his siblings.  They were going to have to make some significant decisions regarding the care of their mother who had suffered a massive heart attack.  Together, they decided that the compassionate thing to do was to create the space to allow her body to take its natural course.  A few hours later I received a call that she had quickly passed from this life to the next.  She was relieved of her pain and partook of the ultimate healing, but that does not erase the loss that he and his family now face.  It is a big day.

Not long after this, I got an email from another one of the pillars of this little community.  He happens to be the youngest of us all.  Though the message had lots of words in it, one word stood out, cancer.  He had just received the news from his doctor, and was reaching out to us.  The shock had not even had time to wear off when he turned to us and asked us to pray.  One phone call, one email, adds up to a big day.

A little later in the day, a woman connected to this community sent us a text also asking for prayer.  She had an interview at five.  It is for a job that she is really interested in, but more importantly getting it would allow her to transition out of a place of employment that has been a hard situation in which to work.  We of course said we would pray, but we have yet to hear how the interview went.  For her so much hangs in the balance of this decision.  It could spring her to what would feel like new life, or it could mean another season of being faithful in a hard place.  We do not know the outcome of the interview, but we do know it is a big day.

I retreated to my back yard.  In the mindless maintenance which takes place there, I can ponder and pray.  My hands were cleaning and fixing, but my spirit was focused on the big day that had just taken place.  As I prayed and contemplated what was happening in the lives of this small group of friends, I found my heart turning to thankfulness. 

How wonderful it was to pray for them, to know there are people who are ready and eager to stand in the gap for one another.  They are ready to cut the weight of grief in half by sharing its load.  They are there to pick a brother up when he is knocked down.  They are there to hope with you for the things your heart longs for.  In short, a group of people you belong to where your big day also becomes theirs.

I was alone in the back yard, but I could not have not felt any more connected to these people.  As I turned to each one in prayer my heart felt their loss, their fear, and their hope.  Their trials and anticipations became mine as well.  This was a privilege.  The reality of it moved my heart from thankfulness to joy.

It is pure joy to be connected to people at this level, where your days are intertwined and you share life in all its hardship and glory.  It is not a joy that overlooks the loss, fear or anticipation, but one that grown out of the truth you are part of a community which willingly shares these big days, as well as all the little days in between them.

As I held the hose in the back yard, watching the water pour out of it and soak into the lawn the events of the day, the thankfulness I felt in the connection of our lives, and the joy that came from the depth of our relationships poured into my soul and saturated it with love.  A warmth grew over me.  Maybe it was the result of holding my friends.  Maybe it was a byproduct of prayer.  More than likely it was simply the result of experiencing what we were designed to know, the unity of love that binds us together and enables us to absorb as one what this big day, or any other, has to hold.

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.  But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.  Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?  And if ^[one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. (Ecc. 4:9-12)

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)

Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)

When shared with a friend, joy is doubled, sorrow is halved. 

If You Haven't Heard, I Am Looking For A Job.

If you did not know, or have not figured it out by reading my blog, I am out of work and looking for a job.

What I am discovering as I walk this path is the procedure for finding a position in ministry is much the same as looking for employment in any other profession: you work your network to make connections; you search online job listings to see if there are positions that fit who you are; and you build relationships with people and organizations that specialize in helping place people in ministries. 

In this process, I find what seems to matter when looking for a job in ministry are the same things which matter to the world.  People talk about the quality of your résumé, they critique your personal photo, they pick apart your appearance and the impression it makes, and they give you lots of tips on how to sell yourself.

One organization I have connected with sends me a weekly email that gives advice to both employees and employers on how to best present yourself in ways which will either make someone want to hire you, or entice someone to come and work for you.  In the last issue it discussed four things an employer needs to be sure their next hire possesses.  Given the fact I am out of work and looking for a job I thought ought to read it and be sure I knew the four qualities my next employer might want me have before they hired me.

The first thing on the list was, according to this article, your next employee needed to have is a personal brand that would build the influence of your church or organization.  This would be measured by their use of social media and the broad scope of influence they could bring based upon their network.  Of course, the first question that came to mind was, “Uh-oh, I wonder what my personal brand would be and what it would say about my ability to widen the influence of an organization?”  

To be honest, I did not spend much time pondering this because another question entered my mind. “What would be the personal brand of the people God has used to weave His story of creation, fall, redemption and restoration?”

Think about it.  Moses would be branded a Hebrew (when being a Hebrew wasn’t cool), a murderer, and one, according to the book of Acts, who seemed to  possess a savior complex.  Abraham would be branded a man who would throw his wife under the bus to save his own neck.  Jacob was a usurper and deceiver.  Joseph was seen as arrogant.  He was such an irritation his brothers got rid of him. Elijah was a runner and hid in a cave.  Samson would be branded as a man who was too interested in women for his own good.  David would be branded a boy who's greatness was overlooked by those who knew him best. He would also be an adulterer and a murder.  Gideon was a coward who had to put a fleece before God before he would believe.  Rahab was a harlot. 

Unless we think it somehow the kind of people God would use to write His story had shifted with the donning of the New Covenant, Mary was a branded a nobody from nowhere.  Her son, Jesus, was branded a glutton and drunkard, a friend of sinners, a blasphemer, and worthy of crucifixion.  Those who followed him were no better; they were men who had not been chosen to follow the Rabbis of their day.  They were fishermen, tax collectors who were despised by their people, and probably tradesmen who did not hold positions of great influence.  Paul, the disciple with the best personal brand, struggled to be accepted by the church because of his reputation for imprisoning and putting to death followers of the Way.  His brand was that of a Pharisees, a Hebrew of Hebrews and persecutor of the church.  Put that on your resume and try to get a job in ministry.

In fact, I cannot help but wonder if any of the people who God used to weave His great story would stand a chance of getting a position in ministry with how important personal branding has apparently become to the organization we call the church.

Given the dichotomy between what the organizational church seems to be looking for and who God seems to be intent on using, one finds himself in a personal dilemma of what brand he is going to present to the world.  I assure you, my experience thus far in the process tells me that this is a real crossroads that every man and woman who seeks to fulfill their calling in ministry will come to. 

I cannot say what is right for everyone, but my sense is the manifestation of the Kingdom of God, by its very nature, turns the kingdom of this world on its head.  When we seek to build the Kingdom of God by mimicking the world, in the process we destroy the very thing we hope to make known.

Given this fact, I desire my personal brand to be that of a man who is foolish and weak, a man who is not looking to secure my authority and position, but one who seeks to serve.   I do not want people to see in me strength, but dependence on God, for everything.  I do not want to be seen as one who has the answers, but as one who is willing to wait for the Father to reveal His will, and then as a man who trust Him enough to follow Him. 

This brand may not be what organizations are looking for, but it is a risk which I am compelled to take.  As I have been working this process, I have come to realize that I am not actually looking for a job at all.  What I am looking for is a life.  This life is to be lived out in community.  This community will be centered on Jesus Christ, and it will manifest the Kingdom of God in ways an organization that mimics the world simply cannot.

For this I am more than willing to be branded something other than what is valued by the world, and seemingly by most Christian organizations.   This may seem like foolishness, given the need to pay the mortgage and put food on the table.  Believe me, I know this pressure is real, but as I read God’s story it seems to be the only way to actually join Him in the story He is continuing to write.  It is in only in this story we can truly discover the reality of the Kingdom, and be empowered to live the life we have been promised.

I am not saying this is an easy brand to take on.  If we are going to be humble we will usually have to experience humiliation.  If God’s power is going to be demonstrated in our weakness, we will by necessity need to be viewed as weak.  If we are going to submit to the will of the Father, we will have to lay our will down.  If we are going to be last, we are going to have to allow others to be first.  In order to be a servant we will have to take a submissive posture to others.

If these realities are making you feel a little uncomfortable, that’s good, because it means I am not alone.  The values of the Kingdom pushes against the values the world has been instilling in us from the day we were born. They have been so engrained in us that even the community we make up as followers of Christ, which is supposed to embody the Kingdom of God in this world, often seems to mimic the world more than it manifest the Kingdom.

If we were honest with ourselves, this is because we do not trust God will really show up in power in the midst of our weakness, humility, submission, and yielding to His leading.  Because we do not trust, we position ourselves to be seen as strong, smart, worthy, self-sufficient, and filled with greatness.  In the process we step out of the story of God, and imprison ourselves in a much smaller story that will eventually suck the life out of us.

As I said earlier, I am not looking for a job, but a life. I pray God will give me the ability to trust Him enough to step into His story, even if it is not the first thing on the list of what headhunters suggest ministries need to look for in the people they hire.

Jesus said that in his kingdom the first will be last and the last will be first (Matt. 20:16).

He said that whoever wanted to be great would have to be a servant (Matt. 20: 26).

He said whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. (Matt. 16:25)

The apostle Paul said that God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, that he chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong (1 Cor. 1:27).

According to Paul, Jesus was equal to God, and then he emptied himself and made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant (Phil. 2:6-11).

Jesus was rich, yet for our sake he became poor, so that through his poverty we would become rich (2 Cor. 8:9).

We have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves.  (2 Cor. 4:7)

A Story Worth Waiting For

I went to four different colleges in the process of getting my four year undergraduate degree.  One of the places I attended was Point Loma Nazarene College.  It was a beautiful location; the dorm I lived in overlooked the Pacific.  It was filled with great people: I have very fond memories of the friends I made.  It had great professors: many of them inspired us to follow Jesus.  Despite all of this, If I were honest, it had been a very long time since I gave any serious thought about the place or the time I spent there.  That changed about a month ago.   

 

One of my friends from Point Loma found me on facebook.  Apparently, he had been looking for me for about 10 years.  Though he remembered I came from the Central Valley, he thought I lived in Manteca, and so he searched for me there.  Since I have only driven through the place on my way to somewhere else he had little success in tracking me down.  Once facebook appeared on the scene, he began to try to track me down via the internet.  Unable to remember how to spell Ottenad, this effort was not any more successful.  Finally, he turned the search over to his wife, who was able to solve the mystery of where I had been for all these years.

He lives in Irvine.  He imagined I lived in the Central Valley.  Picture his surprise when he discovered I had been living in Long Beach ever since we left Point Loma.  Once we connected on facebook he explained had been looking for me for some time because he wanted to share with me the impact I had on him in his early years of following Jesus.  We made plans, set a date and last night we went to his home for dinner.

I could recount for you how gracious his wife was and how quickly she endeared herself to us.  I could tell you about his sons and what wonderful young men they seemed to be.  I could even recount for you how great it was to reconnect with this long lost friend and the ease with which, despite all the years that have passed, we were able to pick up our friendship.  It might be even more entertaining to tell you some of the stories he told, because he is a great storyteller, but I think I just want to tell you one.  It is part of the reason we were there in the first place.

My friend loved to surf and was much better at it than he would let on.  He was reluctant to get too involved in the surf culture of the school.  After all, he was there to study.  Because of his reluctance, when the annual surf completion the school holds rolled around he only half heartedly entered.  I on the other hand was very excited and had full confidence he would do well.  The day of the competition I showed up at his dorm door to pick him up so we could head out to the beach.   He began talking about backing out.  To hear him tell it, I would have none of it and talked him into going.

At the competition, he was in a heat which would lead to the finals, but had not caught a wave.  He remembers seeing me sitting on the beach with my eyes closed.  Later he asked me what I was doing and I told him I was praying he would catch a good wave (back then I must have thought you could only pray with your eyes closed).  Just then a perfect wave broke and he was the first surfer up.  It was a great ride.  There was only about five minutes left in the heat and he needed at least two more waves.  Just like in the movies, with time running out he paddled back out, caught the next wave, had another great ride.  Moving quickly, he paddled past the break once more and caught his last wave of the heat just before the horn blew.  Best of all he won and headed to the finals.

I wish I could tell you he won it all that day.  He ended coming in second, but that is not the point of the story.  As I sat there with my friend listening to him retell the events of that day he explained to me how impactful it was to his life, having a friend praying for him and to seeing God answer that prayer in such a specific way.

There were other stories he told, like the time we went out sharing our faith and he ended up inviting a Jewish family to church.  After he knocked on their door, a woman answered and kindly pointed out the Star of David and asked him what it meant.  He told her he had no idea.  When she explained the family was Jewish, he smiled and said it was ok for Jewish people to come to church.   She closed the door.

My friend had only been following Jesus for about a year and came from a church where there was very little difference between the people he had been hanging out with on the beach and the people who were in the church.  He told me that I was one of the first people to show him what following Jesus was like, and the time we shared at Point Loma made a spiritual impact on him.

Here is the thing.  I was just a college student who was only a few years older in the faith than he was.  I was doing nothing more special than seeking to follow Jesus myself and allowing this reality to permeate all the areas of my life, including my friendships.  We did not meet for weekly bible study, had no discipleship plan, there was no “I am discipler” and “you are the disciplee.”  There was just friendship, shared life, and a desire to become like Jesus, in both of us.

Somehow, the Holy Spirit took all of this and impacted my friend’s life in a significant way.  To hear his wife tell it, the stories we were remembering are stories he has told to his sons over and over.  At one point she turned to me and said we have always heard his version of the story, we want to hear yours.  I was a little embarrassed because I wasn’t quite sure which story she was talking about.  That was when he reminded me of the day of the surf competition and the prayer on the beach. 

I was there.  I did pray.  I remember being excited that he won the heat, but the impact of that moment on his life had very little to do with me.  It is the Spirit of God who used the moment to cement in my friend’s soul something significant about the ability to call out to God and have Him answer in very specific ways.  I had no idea of the significance of that moment to my friend until he shared it with me over dinner.

It made me wonder how many other holy moments take place in our lives which we will never recognize this side of heaven, unless we are given the gift of someone telling us about them.  It also made me realize most of the holy moments of our lives are not going to come while we are sitting in church.  They are going to happen in dorms, on the beach, at work, in our neighborhoods, and just about every other imaginable place you can think of. They are going to come as we are sharing life, extending friendship, and living out our desire to become like Jesus.  They are going to come as we love one another, cheer one another on, and pray for one another.

Sitting around their table, telling stories from the past, and catching up on where our lives have taken us since then, became a very holy moment for me.  I could see how God knits all things together.  I marveled at how He uses every part of our lives to mold and shape us spiritually, sometimes in surprising ways,  and I recognized His graciousness to me in being able to sit down at a table with my friend in this season of my life. It was a gift.

As I sat there basking in the joy of the moment, I wondered, given God’s perfect timing, why it took so long for my friend to find me.  I cannot help but think, if my friend and I are willing to watch together and maybe pray with our eyes open, we may be surprised by the traces of the sacred that we are yet to see.  I have a sneaky suspicion the story is not yet complete.

When it is, you will want to hear my friend tell it, because he is a great storyteller. 

Beauty in a Boat

I have long had this romantic notion of what it would be like to go sailing.  I am not talking about tacking back and forth in a 8 foot Sabot in the bay.  I want to climb aboard a sailboat that is large enough to take me out of the bay, through the channel made by the jetty and past the breakwater to the open ocean.   I want the boat to be large enough to then take me far beyond the Channel Islands to a point from which I can no longer see land, and I want to stay there until it is dark.

I say this is a romantic notion because I have no ideas what it would be like to have this experience.  I have never been on a boat, let alone a sailboat, which has ventured out far enough for the land to disappear.  I can only imagine what it would be to find myself in a place where all landmarks have faded into the distance and the sun dipping into the sea allows complete darkness to close in around you.

In my imagination this is a very beautiful place.  The ocean is calm, and I can hear the water lap against the sides of the boat.  The only other sound I hear is the wind as it gently rustles through the canvas of the sails.  The sun sets, and while the beauty of this image still hangs in my memory the night sky appears.   Since I cannot see land, there is no light to compete with the gleaming stars.  They are seen, maybe for the first time in my life, in the fullness of their glory.

I cannot help but wonder what it would be to spend a night lying on my back on the deck of a sailboat staring up into the heavens at this canopy of twinkling lights, or to look out over the calm water and see the stars mirrored in the sea. 

But what if this is not what it would be like at all?  What if the sea was rough and the night sky was filled with clouds.  Rather than being a background upon which the stars gleamed like diamonds in the sky, the heavens acted like a vacuum which seemingly swallowed all light.  What if the wind tore through the sails and the waves rocked the boat violently and you lied down, cleaning to the deck, not to drink in the beauty, but because to stand was nearly impossible.  Would this be nearly as romantic, could any beauty be found?

I have some dear friends who seemingly have sailed onto just such a sea.  He is a man who struggles with a degenerative disease that becomes more debilitating with each passing year. His wife, who has walked this journey with him, and who has lovingly cared for him, suffered a stroke this week.  What happens when the caregiver suddenly needs care?  What is it is for the spouse who has needed the support of their mate to suddenly become the one who is the most able bodied?  I can only imagine, but I think it must feel as if they have sailed to a place where the landmarks have disappeared and the darkness has closed in.  A place where light seems to have vanished and there is no time to gaze up into the night sky because you are trying to keep the boat, which is lurching in the waves, from knocking you off of your feet.

As I prayed for them throughout the night, the image of the disciples in the boat in the middle of the storm came to me.  A furious squall had come across the lake.  The wind whipped through the sails and the waves grew so violent that they nearly swamped the boat.  These followers of Christ were panicked.  Jesus, on the other hand, slept comfortably on a cushion until they woke him.  These panic-stricken fishermen accused him of not caring about the fact they were about to lose their life.  We remember the story because of what Jesus did next; he commanded the wind and the waves to be still, and they became so.  This is an amazing feat, but it is not really the point of the story.  The lesson is not that Jesus calms the storms of our lives.  Jesus turns to them and asks the simple question, “Why are you afraid. Do you still have no faith?”  The point of the story is that in the middle of the storm we need not be afraid because we can trust the One who is with us.  He is powerful, capable, and sees beyond the wind and the waves.

Christ doesn’t just call us to this trust; he embodies this kind of trust so we can see what it looks like.  We certainly see it as He is sleeping on the cushion in the stern of that boat which was being tossed on the lake.  He trusts the Father who is with him.  We see it even more fully when He finds himself in the middle of his own storm.  In the garden, He can feel the squall growing, and He asks the Father to calm the wind and the waves by removing the cup. When there is no taking them away, He turns to his Father in trust, and willingly sails into the storm.

I wish I could simply calm the storm for my friends.  Honestly, most of what I prayed for in the middle of the night was for God to do just that.  Not every storm is clammed however; sometimes there is a greater purpose than I can imagine in the squall that stirs the wind and the waves into such violent action.  I am confident of this, however, there is One who can be trusted in the middle of every storm.  I also prayed that my friends would be able to see him clearly, even if the wind and the waves do not abate immediately.

What would it be to be able to possess this kind of vision in the middle of the storm?  What would it be for your eyes to adjust to the darkness,  have the capacity to be able to look through the wind driven spray, and see that you are not alone, that He is present and powerful and can be trusted? I imagine, especially as you are standing on the pitching deck of a boat which is being toss in the sea, it would be a beautiful and hopeful sight.  Maybe it would even be more beautiful than lying on your back in the midst of a calm sea under a star filled sky.

“Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey Him?” - Mark 4:41

He is "the bright morning star.” - Revelations 22:16 

"So we have the prophetic word made more sure, to which you do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star arises in your hearts. 2 Peter 1:19