You Never Know...

Several months ago I wrote a blog call Ghost From the Past.  In it I detailed a trip to Oklahoma with one my best friends.  It was an opportunity to see and serve his mother and to exercise some demons from our past.  In it I told the story of how my Father lowered me down into a storm drain so I could retrieve a toy gun I had dropped into it.  I recounted how terrifying this was and how I begged him not to do it.  It is a memory I have carried with me all of my life, even though I was only 3 or 4 when it happened.  I remembered it so vividly because after that I never felt like I could fully trust my father, or anyone else for that matter, to keep me safe. 

My father recently made his yearly visit to our house for the holidays.  While he was here, he asked about our trip Oklahoma.  In the process of telling him about it, I pulled out my laptop and showed him the photos of the house we had lived in.  Tucked into the various photos of the house was a photo of the storm drain.  He asked me, “Why did you take a picture of that?”  I then recounted, in the gentlest way I could, the events which took place on the day I dropped my rifle down the dark hole.  My father simply said, “I do not remember it.”

He was not trying to avoid the feelings I have carried with me all my life. There was no indication in his facial expression or tone of voice he might be hiding the fact he knew more than he was letting on.  The reality was, he was sincere in his lack of recall.  This event, which was burned into my memory, and which had shaped much of my life, was but a passing moment to him, which was forgotten almost as quickly as it happened.  You can see why, for him the issue was a lost gun.  It had been retrieved and restored to its owner.  There was nothing more to think about.

It struck me as I let his lack of recall of the incident sink in, we have no idea how the passing moments of our lives, which have little meaning to us, are affecting others.  What seems to us like normal preoccupation with the task at hand may seem like a lack of attention and value to our children.  What we meant to be a playful remark to someone we love may cut them to the core.  What may look like a simple solution to a problem like a lost gun may be a memory which will be etched in the mind of a child and affect how they relate to others in the future.  This happens because it is not only what we intend in a situation which matters, it is also how it lands on the person that will determine how it is received.

This might feel like a pretty heavy weight, knowing our actions and words can shape another human being in whys we never envisioned or intended.  If we focus on just the negative aspects of this reality it might be a weight we simply would rather not carry.  However, it is important to keep in mind what works in the negative often has the very same effect in the positive as well.

This week I spent some time with women who shared a story with me about one of her nieces.  This niece grew up in a home which did not always make her feel loved.  The aunt told of how her niece had confided this to her.  In response the aunt had given her a copy of the Bible, wanting her to discover just how dearly loved she was by God.  As she related this story to me she also related to me each time she saw her niece after that, she would bring up the New Testament she had been given, the fact she was reading it and how grateful she was for it. 

Now I happen to think there is much life to be found in the book she was given, but I think there is more to the niece’s treasuring of this present.  As a gift it was an expression of love.  It made her feel valued to have it given to her.  It gave her a sense she was seen by another person and worthy of receiving.  It was not so much about the physical book, but want it represented as an expression of love and of being cared for.  

To listen to the aunt tell about it, you could see she was surprised at how valuable the little copy of the New Testament had become to her niece.  Her actions shaped another human being in ways she never imagined they could.  This is a great power, especially for those who understand how to wield it in life giving ways.

It the book the aunt gave to her niece it speaks to this truth.  It tells us to encourage one another and build one another up.  It call us to let no corrupting talk come out of our mouths, but only such as is good for building up, that it may give grace to those who hear.  It reminds us rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing, and gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 12:18, 16:42)

The Bible takes it one step further; it calls us to not only love in word or speech but also in deed and in truth. (1 John 3;18) Love moves beyond encouraging words to acts of kindness.  This can look like bearing one another's burdens, meeting someone’s needs, or using our gifts to bless others. It can show up in our gentleness, compassionate, and patience.  It can be as simple as just being with someone, listening, and acknowledging what they feel, or in providing a meal, raking a yard, and sharing what you have.

You may never know how any of these things actually land on someone else's soul, but this fact does not change the reality any one of these words of encouragement or acts of kindness may impact a life in very significant and life altering ways.

What would it be to live life in such a way that you were aware any of your words or actions could be making an impact you did not recognize in the moment, and maybe could never imagine.  How would this change the way you speak and relate to others?  What would it do to how you use the things you possess?  What would it feel like to know your interaction with another person enriched their life and shaped them for the better, even if you did not know it until years later, if ever? 

We cannot know the state of a person’s heart or how things will land upon it, but if what we are offering is loving, kind, and generous the reality is our actions and words can be a wonderful gift, shaping another human being in ways we never envisioned or intended..  I encourage you to recognize the power of this gift and use it wisely, even if you have absolutely no idea of the effect it is having.