We begin forming these associations as we learn language. Connections are made in our memories between our
experiences and the sound of a word. These associations then inform the power a word might
have in our lives. For example, if a
baby touches a hot stove and burns her hand, mom immediately cries out, “That
is HOT, HOT, HOT!” She will then in all
likely hood scoop up the child and comfort her. If her burn is more than a
slight reddening of the skin, the mothers will also tend to her wound. All this nurture will not erase from the
child’s mind the connection between the pain she experienced on her hand and
the word Hot. She has now formed a
connection between an experience and the word hot which will
exercise power over her for the rest of her life. All someone around her needs to do
in the future when she is approaching an object is call out the word HOT and
she will retract her hand to avoid being burned.
This is a wonderful capacity we have as humans to use
language to communicate to one another in ways which will shape the way we think regarding the objects,
experiences, ideas and truth. In fact, part of what knits us together as humans is this aptitude to develop a common language which allows a word
to have the same meaning to all who hear it. This is what gives birth to understanding, and community.
This isn’t true of all words. Some words can lend themselves to
interpretation, even very simply words.
Think about it. What image comes
to your mind when I say the word blue?
Is it the blue of the sky? Do you
see the deep blue of the sea? Do you
envision the cobalt blue of the vase which adorned your grandmother’s
windowsill? A simple word like “blue”
can mean so many things to so many people, and while two people are nodding
their heads in agreement, they may actually be entertaining entirely different
images in their minds at the mention of the word.
Still, there are a few words which may appear to be so
universally understood we all seem to form the same idea in our mind when they
are spoken. Take the word “No” for
example. I think the vast majority of us
would attach a negative connotation to the word when we hear it. The word No represents not getting what we
want. It implies rejection. It is a thwarting of our will. We can interpret it as someone withholding from or
holding out on us. When people say no,
we tell them they are not being constructive.
They are tearing things down.
Even parents of preschoolers, who use the word quite often to keep their children from harm, get tired of saying it. They might ask in a moment of frustration, “Why do you always make mommy say no?” This is not because the use of No has been harmful, but because their perception of No is negative and none of us want to be seen as the purveyors of a lack of positivity. We want to people who speak the affirming “Yes.” Deep down we want to be seen positive people.
Even parents of preschoolers, who use the word quite often to keep their children from harm, get tired of saying it. They might ask in a moment of frustration, “Why do you always make mommy say no?” This is not because the use of No has been harmful, but because their perception of No is negative and none of us want to be seen as the purveyors of a lack of positivity. We want to people who speak the affirming “Yes.” Deep down we want to be seen positive people.
What if we have developed the wrong connections and
connotations to the word No? What No is
far less negative than we have envisioned?
How would this change the way we respond when the word No is spoken to
us? How would it change our feelings
about having to speak the word to others?
In 1967, Milton Bradley introduced a game which should have changed our perspective on the word No. It was called Battleship. In this game you placed models of various war ships on a grid which your opponent could not see. They did the same. You then took turns guessing at what point on the grid you might locate your challenger’s ships. You would call out a location such as B-15, A-21, or G-4. If part of their ship was on that point on the grid they would call out “It’s a Hit”. If it was empty, they would simply call out, “It’s a Miss.” You kept track of your hits and misses using red and white pegs. In the process you improved your ability to make educated guess about where you might find your enemy’s ships. Rather than being a loss, each Miss honed your capacity to discover where you might get a Hit. While it was always great to get a Hit, the misses were not negative. They were instructive and helpful if you saw them as a chance to develop a better understanding of the board.
What if we saw the Misses or "No’s" in our lives as being
similarly helpful in our journey of understanding where to go next in life.
Rather than seeing the No as rejection, not getting what we want, or unconstructive, what if we saw them as an opportunity to discover who we are and
where we are going? This little shift in
our perception of the word "No" might just change everything.
When I look at Scripture I see No playing a significant role
in the development of the people of God and the unfolding of His purposes. Think about Samuel showing up at Jessie’s
house to anoint a new king. As each son
is paraded in front of the prophet what he hears from the Lord is "No." This had to be frustrating, especially when
so many of Jessie’s sons seem perfect for the job. All the "No’s", however, lead to the only man
among them who was a man after God’s own heart.
Think about that man, David, when he was in the cave and his
adversary had inadvertently come into his hiding place to relieve himself. David’s men recognized the opportunity which was
before them and encouraged David to strike Saul down while he was in this
vulnerable position. Though tempted,
David said no, and in the process trusted God to protect and deliver him. God did it, David knew it, and the experience made
all the difference.
Think about the one who came from the line of David, Jesus. He was led in the desert by the Holy
Spirit and the enemy came and tempted Him.
Satan offer to him all His Father had promised, without the cost. It must have been tempting, since the cost
would mean rejection, suffering, torture, and death, but Jesus said no. The result was not only His glorification,
and having all things given to Him, it was also the birth place of the life that
is now made possible for us.
There are many more stories I could recount for you of where
“No” provided the positive move which enabled the understanding and unfolding
of the purposes of God. Think of Rehab’s
saying "No" to turning giving up Israel’s spies, it resulted in the “Yes” of her
family being saved and her being included in the bloodline of the Messiah. Recall Daniel’s saying "No" to praying only to the king; it resulted in the same king saying "Yes" to issuing a decree which
required the people of his kingdom to fear and show reverence
the Daniel’s God, protecting God’s people in exile in the process. Do not forget Paul’s staying "No" to fleeing the jail when the doors
were thrown open by an earthquake, it resulted in the jailer’s saying "Yes" to believing in God. These are just a few of the positives results
which were born in the word "No".
I know on my journey "No"
is becoming very important as I seek to discern and understand where I will
eventually discover the "Yes". It is as if a lens is being ground and
polished by the course texture of the "No." With each "No"
another application of rubbing compound is buffed into the glass through which we
will eventually see clearly. Just like
the misses in the game of Battleship, each "No" is instructive and helpful in
developing an understanding of where God is leading. They are also an opportunity to develop the capacity
to trust in the God who already knows what the "Yes" will be. With this
perspective "No" is anything but negative.
It is a tool of discernment. It
is an exercise which expands your ability to trust. It is a refusing of what is not, in order to
be able to make space for what is.
If most of us were honest with ourselves, we are uncomfortable
with embracing the "No". It feels so negative. It appears
much more secure to simply say yes. It is
less awkward to say, “I have moved into something,” than to declare, “I am
waiting.” It seems wise to take the little we can grasp in the present, rather
than remain empty handed and trust something much more valuable is waiting for
us in the future. It feels better to be
willful and make something happen, than it does to seek only move when we are
confident the Spirit is leading.
We need to have the courage to embrace the discomfort of the
present moment, in order to take hold of the blessings which only come by
walking the path of "No". Then, and only then, will we see clearly the "Yes" which God prepared in advance for us. When we arrive there, we will see clearly the traces of the sacred on our journey and know full well just
how positive "No" truly is.
“The Lord is
my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” - Lamentations
3:24
For
we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God
prepared in advance for us to do. – Ephesians 2:10
“Now
to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according
to the power that works within us,” -
Ephesians 3:20
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