The Birth Place of Beauty

Recently someone related a story to me about a woman who was married to a man that was a bit controlling when it came to the television remote, so much so you might even say he was mean.  Most of their married life was lived in a time when most homes only had one T.V.  This man would never let his wife watch what she wanted. 

Because of this reality, after a long day of taking care of her work and family she did not have the luxury to sit down in front of the television and let the stresses of the day be washed away by the laughter a good comedy provided.  Nor did she have the good fortune of being able to step outside of her own story and get lost in the drama of someone else's.  Instead of becoming angry or embittered towards her husband’s inability to think of her and share the television, she turned to art.

At first, she began to form figures out of clay and paint them.  The time she would normally have spent watching TV became an opportunity to turn lumps of earth into the shapes of people.  The paint she would add brought color and life to the clay.  Each one would become its own little masterpiece.  She now has a cabinet filled with these pieces of art which were only created because of the gift of time created by a husband who would not share control of the remote.

Having made an entire community of these figures, she moved to painting on canvas.  She loved the ability to do the intricate work which would turn brush strokes into beautiful pictures.  Here she painted more than people, she captured the beauty of places and grand vistas. She did not make this move to pick up the brush and palette until she had entered mid-life.  It connected her to her mother who had also been very artistic.  What could have simply been an irritation in her marriage became the path which led her to develop her gift.

As she got older, she suffered some set-backs with her health which prevented her from being able do the intricate work required to continue painting on canvas (though she is tenacious and continues to invest effort in getting back her former skill).  Most people might simply give up painting and think to themselves, “Well, that season of life is over,” but not this lady.  She moved to painting small tiles.  This medium did not require the same kind of exactness as painting on canvas, but it did allow her to continue to grow and develop her artistic bent as she explored a new form of expression.

Because of this woman’s unwillingness to simply sulk over not having a husband who would consider what she wanted to watch, she developed a gift which might have otherwise lain dormant.  Because she would not allow changes in her motor skills to keep her from being able to express her creativity, she developed new mediums of articulation.  I have not seen her work personally, but I have been told, the art that now decorates her home is quite beautiful.  It is a beauty which was born out of the harsh reality of a husband who would not share.

I do not know if this woman has ever shown or sold her art, but I do know there is beauty that has been created because of her willingness, in the midst of this hard ship, to push off anger and bitterness and step into creativity.  She was able to recognize the path disappointment might be providing for the development of something she was uniquely created to do.  

In the midst of our own hard places, what would it be to take on the attitude of this lady?  Rather than sulking about the injustice of it all, what would it be to step into this place and redeem it?  Imagine what might exist a year from now, a decade in the future, or at the end of your life if you chose to live like this woman.

I am amazed as I look around me at what extraordinary things exist because of ordinary people like you and I who do not simply accept harsh reality as the end of the road.  You say to me, yes but I do not have an artistic bone in my body.  Join the club!  That doesn’t mean you do not have the capacity to bring beauty to the world.  Your hurtful experience may be the birthplace of the encouraging words which bring hope to someone who is walking the same road.  Your unexpected availability might give you the space to express an act of kindness, allowing another to feel loved.  Your capacity to simply listen may be all the beauty the person who is heard needs to experience.  Yes, these may not seem as material as a painting hanging on a wall, but this does not mean their expression will not create a moment which is any less impactful than the instant you first experience a beautiful piece of art.

In you there is a unique gift, one which no one else possesses in quite the same way.  The setbacks, unkindness, and hard places you experience in your life can do one of two things.  They can be the rocks upon which these gifts are smashed, or they can be avenues which allow for their growth and development.  What determines the outcome is our attitude in facing the trial.  Do we see it as something which diminishes us and robs us of the capacity for expression, or do we see it as a stone upon which our gifts sharpened and refined.  Could it be the experience is actually creating the space where your gifts can grown in ways they never could otherwise?

Having heard of the story of this artist, I am willing to bet the answer is yes.

Before I Wake

Now before I share this thought,  let me qualify it by saying it came to me in the in-between time, as I was coming out of a dream and before I was fully awake.  Therefore, I am not completely responsible for it. Yet, even though I am now fully awake, I am still thinking about it and want to share it.  It would be best to say I found the thought revealing of how we (and by we, I mean those who spend their time reflecting about church and ministry) might actually think.  Now before you make the click to move to another page because you do not spend much time reflecting about church and ministry, let me say I think this random thought, which I had in the time before my brain had the opportunity to censor itself, actually impacts much more than ministry.  It has implications for every aspect of our lives. Given this fact you, might want to read on.

I hope I have not built up what I am about to share too much, after all it was a fleeting thought of an unfocused mind,. Then again, you might also says it was clearer and more honest than many thoughts, precisely because my mind did not have time to recognize how irreverent it might be and hide or edit it.  I will share it in the form of a question (see I am editing it already).  Here goes, "If you were leading a church or ministry and Jesus was on your staff team what job would you give him?"

The first thing that comes to my mind is I would want him on the Care Team.  With his gift of healing, there is no one I would rather have making hospital visits.  He also has the gift of compassion which seems to allow him to relate in powerful ways to those who marginalized and struggling.  Because of these powerful abilities, I think he would definitely be a good on the Care Team.

What other role might he fill?  Given the fact so much of the Gospels are Jesus’ actual words, you might consider making him a Teaching Pastor.  I caution you to consider this move carefully.  Think about it, many times what He shared was not clear.  Rather than speaking plainly, He would tell stores which often left those listening feeling confused.  Even His own followers would pull Him aside and ask Him to explain what He had just taught.  While His communication was interesting and could draw a crowd, you might want your spokesmen to be a little more clear.  Given all of the emphasis on easy to understand, relevant teaching in the church, I am not sure Jesus would be the best fit.  Jesus seemed to be content leaving a bit of mystery in his teaching and allowing the Holy Spirit to empowering people to understand, or not.  I am not sure most of us in leadership are willing to take the same risk.

You definitely do not want Jesus dealing with people in leadership or being in charge of donor relations.  We do not like to talk about it much, but Jesus was prone to call people names, especially those who were in leadership positions in religious institutions.  Just image Him in your next elder board meeting or ministry-wide leadership training event calling those in charge “whitewashed tombs”, “fools”, “blind guides”, “hypocrites”, “murders”, or “children of snakes”.  Jesus had such a problem with this He even called those closest to him names like “Satan”. I am not sure He is the kind of guy you are going to want representing you or your organization.  This is not going to make your leaders happy, nor is it going to inspire others to follow those Jesus is prone to attack.  If you goal is to keep leaders happy, Jesus may not have the ability to do it.  Jesus' way with religious leaders caused them to plot to kill Him.  Is your church or ministry willing to take the risk of having someone like this on your team? Most are not.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.  Except for the miracles He could perform and the compassion He could demonstrate, it is probably going to be hard to find a spot on your team where Jesus is going to fit without making things harder.  He just does not blend into our structures very well.  This should not surprise us, because He did not come to join our team.  He came to invite us to join His.  He called us with the invitation, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” He is not asking us to find a spot for Him in our plan.  The truth is He will not fit there.  He is the head.  We follow Him. We are the ones who are to fit into His body and fulfill the purpose He has laid out for us, not the other way around.

When asked why he was no longer a pastor, I heard a university professor once quoted as saying something to the effect of; "When I was a pastor I often seemed to be working in opposition to what Jesus was doing.  I was trying to make it easier for people; Jesus was calling them to the narrow road. I was trying to make my church bigger; the crowds around Jesus diminished as he moved towards His calling.  I wanted to make people happy and like me; Jesus had no problem challenging the system."  In short, this ex-pastor was saying, Jesus simply would not fit on his ministry team.  Because of this fact, he had a choice, to follow Jesus or to continue to try and shoehorn Christ into the model of ministry he knew and lead.  He chose to follow Jesus.  I personally think he made the right choice.

What would it be for us to quit trying to make Jesus fit our models, to quit trying to find a place on our team for Him, and to begin looking to Him to teach us how to do what we are called to do. Not just in ministry, but with our entire lives.  What power would be unleashed?  What transformation would occur?  What would we have to die to in order to take hold of what Christ is about?  Sometimes, I think it is the answers to these questions which keep us trying to make Jesus fit on our team.  It is much easier than the yielding which is necessary to fit on his.

The invitation Jesus gave is pretty simple and clear.  He invited us to follow, not to find a place where He fits.  He assured us that He would make us; we do not have to try harder or come up with a plan. It is not our job to make it happen; we simply need to be discerning of His voice, open to His call, and responsive to His leading.  He gave us our purpose, to be fishers of men: we need not come up with our own vision, but be willing to embrace His.  In short, we only need to follow.

Are you willing to lay down the desire to make Jesus fit on your team or fit within your plans and allow Him to lead?  We know instinctively the question, “Where does Jesus fit?” is the wrong question to ask, and yet, often in very subtle ways, we ask it.  It was only in the unfiltered moment, before I was able to edit my thoughts, that I could recognize the question for what it was. 

O Lord, forgive me.  May the meditation of my heart be on what I know to be true.  May it transform even my unconscious thoughts in such a way that even they are willing to follow you.  May you give me the strength to trust to do the work of transformation in my life, and may I willingly embrace your purpose.  

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. - Isaiah 55:9

“Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.”  - Matthew 4:19 

He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me." - Luke 9:23

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

DIVORCE

I know what it is to grow up in a home where Christmas is viewed through the lens of divorce.  My parents split up when I was five, and every Christmas after was an exercise in trying to lay aside all of the pain, hurt, and prickliness of relationship long enough to be able to exchange gifts and celebrate with joy the birth of Jesus.  I remember what it was like to have my father come, gifts in hand, and to watch him and my mother pretend everything was OK just long enough to provide their child a wonderful Christmas memory.

Even with this generous demonstration of restraint and love, the tension could not be fully removed from the room.  We tried.  We would decorate the tree with twinkling lights and ornaments, and surround it with pretty packages.  My mother and I would make paper chains and snowflakes to hang from the ceiling, turning the entire house into a winter wonderland.  We did not stop inside the house, the eves of our roof would be covered with strings and strings of lights declaring to the neighborhood the joy we desired in the season.  As a child I enjoyed all my mother did to redeem Christmas.   

Yet, all the good tidings and joy we could muster could not erase the reality something very significant was broken.  While I knew the discomfort of celebrating Christmas in a divorced home, I could never fully understand the effect this reality had on the season for my parents, at least until now. 

Things have happened in this past year which have caused me to see Christmas through an entirely different lens.  When I was a child my Christmas wish was we could all get along well enough to be able to celebrate without conflict.   Now, as an adult who has gone through his own divorce, I understand the impact it has on Christmas at a whole new level.

Before you start to worry and wonder, my wife and I are just fine.  In fact, we may have never been better.  The divorce I speak of is not between husband and wife, but between pastor and church.  After walking through the Christmas season, for the first time since my separation from the church where I served, I have no other way to describe what I am experiencing and feeling other than a divorce.

This should not be a surprise to those who understand the nature of the Trinity and how our relationships within the body of Christ is supposed to mimic what we see in the bond between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  In them, we see a relationship which is bound together in a covenant commitment, saturated with grace, where each member empowers the other through service, and they experience the intimacy of being fully known, loved and accepted.

Some pastors evaluate if a position is the place they are called to serve by its ability to enable them to fulfill their personal mission and vision.  They measure whether they should stay or go by a church's capacity to help them reach their potential, to develop their giftedness, and to find the full expression of who they believe God has created them to become. When a place of ministry no longer seems to be capable of allowing this to take place they often feel called to move on.

Right or wrong, even when I did not have language to explain it, I have never thought of ministry like this.  I have always seen the church where I served as the body I belonged to.  The people I ministered alongside of were not my employers or customers; they were family with whom I shared a covenant commitment.  I did not see the environment as a place where I could reach my potential, but as a place where I served so others could reach theirs.  It was a place in which we could learn to extend to one another the grace we had received, and a place where we could offer one another love, acceptance and forgiveness.

When this is how you view your place of ministry, it is not a job, it is a life. Being separated from this life feels like a great divorce.  In families, sometimes divorce is your choice, often because you imagine yourself having a different life.  At other times, you do not choose it, it is chosen for you by a partner who has ambitions which they feel you can no longer fulfill.  It is the same with pastors.  Some leave because they have desires a particular body does not seem to be able to fulfill.  At other times, they are asked to leave because of the ambitions of others.  In either case, when you leave, if you have had any experience of the kind of relationship we see modeled in the Trinity, it is going to feel like a divorce.

Without going into all the ways this manifested itself this season, I will say, I now know what I imagine a parent, who has recently gone through an unwanted divorce, must feel like when they are confronted with the reality of not being with their family at Christmas.  It is difficult to see them gather, knowing you cannot be part of it.  There is pain in watching your family participate in traditions you once shared. It is hard to see in the eyes those who had no say in the matter, the awkwardness and hurt divorce brings to the season.  It is even harder accept the reality you have to no power to mend what has been severed. 

What I will not know until next year, the year after, or maybe many years to come is if it gets any easier.   Can a family ever be replaced with another?  Can a dad or mom simply find a new spouse and set of children with whom they can set up a new life and in the process erase the memory of the family from which they have been cleaved?  Sometimes it feels as if this is the expectation.  In people's questions about what is in my future, I sometime sense their well intended hope for God to provide another community in which for me to serve, where the effects of this divorce could be washed away.  I do not have the heart to tell them this could only be possible if I looked at ministry like a job, which I do not.  I see my calling as an invitation to serve a people to whom I belong.

I have thought of what it might look like to simply give up ministry as a calling and return to my family.  The elder who informed me my services were no longer required, also told me I was welcome to stay. Sometimes, I am tempted to take him up on his offer, but I know this was is wishful thinking on his part and on mine.  I cannot set down ministry, even if it meant remaining with the people I so desperately miss.  I must confess I have played with this idea for days on end.  Each time the Father has been faithful to shake me out of my daydream and remind me he did not provide me with a job, He imparted to me a calling.  To try and set it aside is to walk in disobedience.  It would be breaching another covenant in an attempt to restore the one which has already been broken.  Despite my wishful thinking, I know this would not bring healing.

The Pharisees, in response to Jesus’ teaching about the inseparable nature of the covenant of marriage, asked, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?”  Jesus responded to them, “Because of your hardness of heart.”  This was a protection for the wife, but it is not the kind of protection God imagined from the beginning.  God the Father desired she (and her husband) experience the kind of relationship He shared with the Son, and the Spirit.  She was intended to know the unconditional love of a covenant commitment, the power of grace, the mutual building up which occurs when serving one another, and the intimacy of being fully known.

Whether the divorce I experienced was caused by a hardness of heart is for God to judge, all I know is He allowed it.  Maybe it was even for my own protection, even if it was not the kind of protection God intended from the beginning.  This is a hard truth to accept, but because the Father allowed it, I trust He will also redeem it.

How?  I cannot yet say, but I do know the pain divorce has brought to this season in no way deters me from the hope one day I will once again be united in a community where we might be able to reflect the relationship we see in the Godhead.  This is not a wish dream; it is the call upon our lives.  Scripture tells us Jesus is the light of men.  This light was manifested in the world through Christ’s incarnation and birth.  This is what we celebrate at Christmas.  It is now manifested through us.  He said of us, “You are the light of the world.” Involvement in ministry and community is not meant to enable us to reach our potential, or accomplish our goals.  Its purpose is to enable us to bear the image of Christ and embody the relationship He shares with the Father and the Spirit, in the process making our Father's Kingdom present.  In doing so, we are able to reflect His light with such brilliance, others will see Him clearly and choose to follow.

I trust in some way which I have yet to fully discover and understand, God is using this present divorce to hone my life into a mirror which reflects more fully the light and life of Christ.  This is my desire and my hope.  It will become the light which will be hung from the eves, declaring to my neighbors the true joy of the season.

“In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men.  The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.” - John 1:4

Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I am the Light of the world; he who follows me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.” – John 8:12

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” - Matthew 5:14-16

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” - James 1:2-4