Subverting the Growth Cycle

Several years ago I decided in order to fully understand the ties Scripture makes between vineyards and the spiritual life I needed to plant some vines.  I went out and bought two varieties of grapes, wine barrels to plant them in, soil, trellises, and because my wife and I had just watched Letters to Juliet, marble stones to lay around the base to absorb the heat of the sun.

Understanding a movie was probably not the best place to receive an education on how to grow and care for vines, I also began doing research on the internet.  I found sites which gave you all the information you would need to understand the soil, watering, and pruning necessary to produce a bumper crop.  I even took a field trip to a winery in Temecula which had a display of various ways of training grape vines.  In a very short time I had the best education on how to grow grape vines which an hour on the internet and a field trip to a winery could provide. 

I understood growing my vines would take plenty of time, patience, and planning.  I knew the first couples of years were dedicated to establishing the vines and it would not be until the third year that I would fruit.  I was ready for the process, after all this is what the project was about, engaging in the cultivations of these vines so I could have a hands on experience of this spiritual metaphor.

The first season went great.  My vines were planted and established and I began training them to mimic what I had seen in photos and at the vineyard.  In my second season I had to learn to deal with overly vigorous vines, but this did not discourage me because I thought it meant the soil must be good.  In my third year I actually had some fruit on the vines and though it was not much I celebrated by eating it.

Then the fourth year happened.  The vines were growing vigorously early in the season.  I had many grape clusters forming.  Things looked promising for a bumper crop.  Then I forgot to water the vines for a week, OK maybe it was three.  The result was in the middle of the season the leaves began to wither and fall off.  Soon my luscious vines were nearly bare.  Rather than a bumper crop, I was wondering if they were going to survive.  It got so bad I finally decided to write off the season and simply prune the vines back.

Normally cutting your vines back is something you do in winter.  I was taking this drastic step in August.  I thought the vines would simply lay dormant until the next growing season.  Apparently my hour of education left me a little wanting in the knowledge of what happens when you prune your vines out of season.  Rather than sending the plant into a dormant state, it triggered the growing cycle all over again.  In a matter of weeks I had new growth on the vine and leaves began to appear and small clusters of grapes began to form.  Living in the temperate climate of Southern California has its advantages, or so I thought.

The vine went through its cycle, it even produced some fruit, albeit at the wrong time of the year.  The grapes it formed were not very healthy looking and did not taste very good.  What I thought was a blessing, a way of reducing the time in which the vine would be unproductive, actually caused the vine to produce fruit which was bad. 

Scripture says any tree (or vine for that matter) which does not bare good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.  I was not quite ready to have my vine meet this fate, especially because I was the one who had failed to water it and pruned it out of season.   When January rolled around I pruned it back aggressively and waited to see what would happen.  Like clockwork my vines returned to their normal growth cycle.  I watched as they began putting out new branches, growing beautiful green leave, and producing healthy clusters of grapes. 

Things were not perfect, the vines experienced another dry spell when I neglected to water the vines for a week or two, and leaves began to fall.  This time rather than taking the drastic action of cutting the vines back, I let them be.  I watered them, cared for them best I could, and I waited.

Amazingly they recovered, and produced fruit. I would not call it a bumper crop.  I think the vines were still recovering from the previous season, but the fruit looked much healthier than last year’s crop.  Just before harvest time a rogue gang of sparrows came and robbed me of the fruit of my vines, but I was fine with it.  After all, I think part of the purpose of bearing fruit is to benefit others.

I have been struck by how my experience with these vines often mirrors our response in our spiritual lives to times when we interpret what we experiencing as a loss or failure to thrive.  Our reaction is to cut back the vines, rather than trusting God has built a resiliency in them which will bring life.  If fact, what we perceive as dying, may actually be a transitional phase to a much more fruitful season, but because all we see is the withering of the leaves in the moment, we over react and start hacking away. The result is often the inability to produce good fruit, at least for a season or two, until we settle back into the natural rhythms of growth. 

Peter comes to mind as someone who was looking around at the situation in which he found himself and determining the leaves had begun to wither.  His reaction was to take action.  At the very moment Jesus was exercising trust in the Father and giving Himself completely to His will, Peter pulls out a sword and begins hacking away.  It probably felt good, being a man of action, thinking somehow he was going to pull it all back from the brink of death.  But it was not the case, for good fruit to be produced events had to be allowed to moved through this season.  What seemed like a withering was actually an ushering in of life.

I wonder sometimes what would happen if we did not react by trying to cut away what appears to us to be the dying branches, and trusted that God was up to something in the withering.  After all, I am sure the wilting of a few leaves on my vine was a response of the vine to the stress which had been placed upon in order to preserve the fruit it was producing, and allow the plant to survive.   I did not allow this natural response to preserve life. Instead, I sent the vine into shock and put it into an unnatural cycle of growth that produced bad fruit.  The only thing which would restore the natural cycle of life and growth was a severe pruning.

How many severe prunings do we have to experience before we learn to trust God is up to something, even in the times when it appears the leaves are drooping?  When will we develop the capacity to lay down our loppers and allow the vine to weather the season of stress so that good fruit might be produced?  I have a sneaky suspicion from watching my vines, until we do so, the fruit we so desire to see will be elusive and the need for a harsh pruning will remain.

I also know, from my experience of tending vines, when we resist the temptation to circumvent the natural growth process, when we learn to yield, wait and trust, good fruit will be produced. 

You Never Know...

Several months ago I wrote a blog call Ghost From the Past.  In it I detailed a trip to Oklahoma with one my best friends.  It was an opportunity to see and serve his mother and to exercise some demons from our past.  In it I told the story of how my Father lowered me down into a storm drain so I could retrieve a toy gun I had dropped into it.  I recounted how terrifying this was and how I begged him not to do it.  It is a memory I have carried with me all of my life, even though I was only 3 or 4 when it happened.  I remembered it so vividly because after that I never felt like I could fully trust my father, or anyone else for that matter, to keep me safe. 

My father recently made his yearly visit to our house for the holidays.  While he was here, he asked about our trip Oklahoma.  In the process of telling him about it, I pulled out my laptop and showed him the photos of the house we had lived in.  Tucked into the various photos of the house was a photo of the storm drain.  He asked me, “Why did you take a picture of that?”  I then recounted, in the gentlest way I could, the events which took place on the day I dropped my rifle down the dark hole.  My father simply said, “I do not remember it.”

He was not trying to avoid the feelings I have carried with me all my life. There was no indication in his facial expression or tone of voice he might be hiding the fact he knew more than he was letting on.  The reality was, he was sincere in his lack of recall.  This event, which was burned into my memory, and which had shaped much of my life, was but a passing moment to him, which was forgotten almost as quickly as it happened.  You can see why, for him the issue was a lost gun.  It had been retrieved and restored to its owner.  There was nothing more to think about.

It struck me as I let his lack of recall of the incident sink in, we have no idea how the passing moments of our lives, which have little meaning to us, are affecting others.  What seems to us like normal preoccupation with the task at hand may seem like a lack of attention and value to our children.  What we meant to be a playful remark to someone we love may cut them to the core.  What may look like a simple solution to a problem like a lost gun may be a memory which will be etched in the mind of a child and affect how they relate to others in the future.  This happens because it is not only what we intend in a situation which matters, it is also how it lands on the person that will determine how it is received.

This might feel like a pretty heavy weight, knowing our actions and words can shape another human being in whys we never envisioned or intended.  If we focus on just the negative aspects of this reality it might be a weight we simply would rather not carry.  However, it is important to keep in mind what works in the negative often has the very same effect in the positive as well.

This week I spent some time with women who shared a story with me about one of her nieces.  This niece grew up in a home which did not always make her feel loved.  The aunt told of how her niece had confided this to her.  In response the aunt had given her a copy of the Bible, wanting her to discover just how dearly loved she was by God.  As she related this story to me she also related to me each time she saw her niece after that, she would bring up the New Testament she had been given, the fact she was reading it and how grateful she was for it. 

Now I happen to think there is much life to be found in the book she was given, but I think there is more to the niece’s treasuring of this present.  As a gift it was an expression of love.  It made her feel valued to have it given to her.  It gave her a sense she was seen by another person and worthy of receiving.  It was not so much about the physical book, but want it represented as an expression of love and of being cared for.  

To listen to the aunt tell about it, you could see she was surprised at how valuable the little copy of the New Testament had become to her niece.  Her actions shaped another human being in ways she never imagined they could.  This is a great power, especially for those who understand how to wield it in life giving ways.

It the book the aunt gave to her niece it speaks to this truth.  It tells us to encourage one another and build one another up.  It call us to let no corrupting talk come out of our mouths, but only such as is good for building up, that it may give grace to those who hear.  It reminds us rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing, and gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 12:18, 16:42)

The Bible takes it one step further; it calls us to not only love in word or speech but also in deed and in truth. (1 John 3;18) Love moves beyond encouraging words to acts of kindness.  This can look like bearing one another's burdens, meeting someone’s needs, or using our gifts to bless others. It can show up in our gentleness, compassionate, and patience.  It can be as simple as just being with someone, listening, and acknowledging what they feel, or in providing a meal, raking a yard, and sharing what you have.

You may never know how any of these things actually land on someone else's soul, but this fact does not change the reality any one of these words of encouragement or acts of kindness may impact a life in very significant and life altering ways.

What would it be to live life in such a way that you were aware any of your words or actions could be making an impact you did not recognize in the moment, and maybe could never imagine.  How would this change the way you speak and relate to others?  What would it do to how you use the things you possess?  What would it feel like to know your interaction with another person enriched their life and shaped them for the better, even if you did not know it until years later, if ever? 

We cannot know the state of a person’s heart or how things will land upon it, but if what we are offering is loving, kind, and generous the reality is our actions and words can be a wonderful gift, shaping another human being in ways we never envisioned or intended..  I encourage you to recognize the power of this gift and use it wisely, even if you have absolutely no idea of the effect it is having.

Old Friends and New Wine

One of the benefits of having not moved immediately after our transition in ministry is we run into people we know on a regular basis.  These encounters are helping us move through this season of life in ways which continues to mold and shape us. Some of these encounters are used by God to encourage our souls, others are used to help reveal the true state of our hearts.  Both are blessings.  We have noticed over time when God brings the same person across our path multiple times in a very short period of time; we ought to take notice of how He might be using them in our lives to teach us something.

The other day, my wife ran into an old friend we have known since college.  Even though we live in the same town, because our lives make their orbits in different universes, we can go years without seeing one another.  This was the second time in a matter of days they crossed paths.  This triggers the question in us, “God, what are you doing here?”

Now before I go any farther, let me say a few words about our friend, and in particular about how God speaks to her and what He allows her to see.  Right after we got married her and her husband came over for dinner.  We had known each other for several years by then and her husband had been my roommate in college. I would have said I knew her pretty well, but apparently it was not as well as I thought.  She opened up to us that night about the ways in which God speaks to her and how He has given her a gift of discernment which allows her to see spiritual realities others cannot see.  She then shared some very specific examples which honestly kind of freaked me out.

I wish I could say I took it all on faith, but my narrow Baptist mind and my limited exposure to how God works throughout the world made me much more dismissive than I care to admit.  This attitude prevailed until years later, after several missions trips and a bit of growing up, I found myself in a conversation with another woman who was sharing very similar experiences about the same events and places my friend had told me about.  I pressed into this second conversation with questions, forming them out of my knowledge of what our friend had shared years ago, and I was blown away with how these two women, who did not know one another, had seen and experienced the same things.

I share all this simply to say, when the friend who my wife ran into says she sees or senses something I have learned to pay attention.

Knowing the transition we find ourselves in, this friend was kind enough to ask how I was doing.

My wife told her I was teaching quarter time at Biola University.  I teach a class on how God forms us spiritually in community.  Sometimes I think I am getting more out of the experience than my students. It is reawakening me to what we are to be to one another as people who follow Jesus. 

She also told her about the people I am meeting with for mentorship, discipleship and spiritual direction.  The sad reality is I am having more, both in number and significance, spiritual conversations with people than working as a pastor ever afforded me to have. 

The last thing my wife shared was we are still waiting and looking for what God has next. We have been listening for God's direction and what we have heard is, "Wait, it is not ready yet." Our friend commented, "You are not alone."  She is right, we know of a number of people who God seems to be pulling out of ministry in the church for one reason or another, preparing them for something new, and who are waiting for God to reveal what comes next.  My wife noted to our friend, "God must be up to something,"  That is when this lady, who God seems to have given a gift of discernment, shared "I think revival is coming". 

Revival is an awakening from dormancy or stagnation in the life of a follower of Jesus or the church.  It embodies a spirit of humility, repentance and desire for holiness.  It is a returning to our first love.  It breaks the hold the patterns of the world have upon us.  It is a new beginning of a life lived in the obedience and freedom, which comes from embracing the abundant life we have been given.

Coincidentally, this week I had a guest speaker in my class at Talbot. He is a pastor, professor, and author who has written and taught extensively about how the church is supposed to function as a family.  I always appreciate when he comes into class because he challenges me on how I think about the church.  This week he shared with great conviction the church is a family, not a business.  It is an organism, not an organization.  He then backed up his perspective with scripture, historical evidence, and personal stories. This both inspires the students and makes the class feel uncomfortable.  Our hearts know what he says is true, but it is not always our experience.

The sad fact is, many of our churches do not seem to understand what he is talking about.  They operate more like a business than a family.  However, I think an ever increasing number of leaders do.  These are the ones God is calling out of the organization in order to give birth to something new.

It is not because they are special; it is simply because they have spent enough time doing church as business they recognize it does not give birth to the life God has intended for us or the kind of transformation into Christ-likeness that is possible.  This realization has given birth to a discontent with the status quo and a longing to see the Kingdom of God manifested in the people of God in ways no business or organizations can engender. 

These leaders have held these desires internally for so long they are now seeping out into their external world.  I do not have the time, or space, to tell you all the stores I have heard or leaders I have talked to who have willingly stepped out of their position in the church, because they know God is calling them to something far greater than maintaining an organization, or who are being moved out of their churches because they are unwilling to continue to build a business rather than the Kingdom.  When you talk to these followers of Jesus, what is often shared is they do not yet know what God is calling them to, they only know they are to be obedient to let go of what they have known in order to make space for what is coming.  

According to my friend, what is coming is revival. Be looking for it, pray for it, prepare yourselves for it, but in the meantime, "Wait, it is not ready yet."

Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord. – Psalm 27:14

This is what the Lord says:

“Stand at the crossroads and look;
    ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
    and you will find rest for your souls. - Jeremiah 6:16

No one puts new wine into old wineskins; otherwise the wine will burst the skins, and the wine is lost and the skins as well; but one puts new wine into fresh wineskins. - Mark 2:22

You have perseverance and have endured for My name’s sake, and have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Therefore remember from where you have fallen... - Revelation 2:3-5

The hand of the Lord was upon me, and He brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me down in the middle of the valley; and it was full of bones. He caused me to pass among them round about, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley; and lo, they were very dry. He said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” And I answered, “O Lord God, You know.” Again He said to me, “Prophesy over these bones and say to them, ‘O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.’ Thus says the Lord God to these bones, ‘Behold, I will cause breath to enter you that you may come to life. - Ezekiel 37:1-5

 

This Little Light of Mine

We made a shocking discovery this morning when the sun came up.  We had failed to pull the drapes completely closed.  Now I realize in the grand scheme of things it is not that big a deal.  However, if you are snuggled in your bed, resting the knowledge you have no reason to rise, savoring the last minutes of a blissful night’s sleep and a bright shaft of light penetrates your best defenses and pokes you in the eye, it is quite shocking.

Needless to say we woke up. My wife read me a few inspirational quotes which had been posted while we slumbered and as she started to get out of the bed, turned to me and said you looked like an angel.  The shaft of light was now illuminating my face, giving me a heavenly glow.  It is an image I hope she recalls the next time I do something which makes her feel as if I am anything but angelic.

After she left, I pondered the difficulty of controlling light.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized this shaft of light which awakened us from our nights rest was also awakening me to a misconception I have carried with me for a long time.  I have believed it is darkness that is difficult to control.  I am not alone in this assumption.

Think about the movies you have seen where darkness is given form in the shape of a moving cloud or shadow which is envelops the environment in which the characters find themselves.  It invades like an oozing gloom, which surrounds and penetrates everything in its path.  It seems impossible to protect against, or push it back.  On its edges people cry out in anguish and fear and in its wake it leaves death and destruction.

This makes for good cinema, but this shaft of light has me wondering if this image is not giving too much credit to darkness  and overlooking the reality of light. In fact, maybe realty is just the opposite of how we normally think about it.

Think about how hard it is to control light.  You might say, well it is as simple as flipping a switch.  All I have to do is walk over to the wall, turn the toggle to the off position and the incandescent light goes out.  This is true, it does cause the light to go out, but it also reveals other sources of light which may have gone unnoticed before the flow of electrons was cut off.  I experience this every night when I turn off the lights in our family room.  What I experience is not darkness, but the room being flooded by another source, the street lamp in our alley.  This is a source of light which I have no control over.

I don’t know if you have ever tried to create an utterly dark space.  When I was in high school, I got together with a few of my friends and decided to build a maze out of hay bales for a Halloween.   We moved hundreds of hail bales and built a monster maze.  We wanted it to be completely dark.  This seemed like it would be an easy task since we were building this outside of town, on a farm.  

After the hay was in place and the roof had been formed by the cardboard we scrounged from local businesses, we discovered the pitch blackness we were trying to achieve was constantly being broken by small shafts of light which invaded from every small crack an pin hole formed from the uneven edges of the bales and the marrying of two dissimilar building materials.  We actually had to develop a process where one person crawled through the maze to identify where the light was spilling into the darkness, and another was outside trying to cover and plug any opening which allowed the light from the farmhouse or moon to seep in.  Rather than darkness filling every nook and cranny, it seemed our problem was just the opposite.  Light seemed to possess the characteristics we so often attribute to darkness.

One of the things I have notices about light is that it does not simply penetrate, it also spreads.  If you have ever noticed a pin hole of light breaking through a crack or hole and followed it to the opposite side of the room, what seems  like only a small intrusion can actually have the effect of illuminating a large section of the  floor or wall.  If this is in an old barn, where there is dust particles hanging in the air, you can actually see the shaft of light making its way across the room.  If you have not been in a barn, you have probably seen this effect on a day when the cloud layer does not fully cover the sky and the light of the sun shines through.  I have a friend who calls this kind of light Jesus light because of its beauty.

She is not far off.  Scripture tells us that Jesus is the light of the world. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness. 

I wonder what it would be if we attributed to light, especially the light of Christ, the characteristics we so often ascribe to darkness.  We assume darkness cannot be mastered.  That it will spread and envelop everything in its path and there is little we can do about it, but the reality is to dispel darkness all you have to do is introduce light, because light trumps darkness.  It is the element that cannot be controlled.  It penetrates and envelopes every space which provides even the smallest point of entry.

If you do not believe me, tonight, in the middle of the night, stumble out of bed, make your way to the wall and flip the switch to on.  Immediately, the introduction of light will chase all darkness from the room.  It moves so quickly you cannot even observe it happen.  After your eyes have adjusted and your spouse or roommate has quit throwing pillows at you, turn the light off and notice all the other forms of light which prevent the room from being enveloped in total darkness.

Given the reality of light’s effect on darkness, what would it be if rather than obsessing on how dark it is we simply embraced reality, and went around creating the pinholes and cracks through which light will spread and chase away any shadows which are present.  How much worry and stress have we invested in trying to keep darkness at bay, when all we have to do is flip a switch and introduce light?

One of the friends who crawled through the maze we built was claustrophobic.  Despite this fact, she did not want to miss out on the fun.  She psyched herself up, pushed back the darkness in her mind and bravely entered our tunnel.  She was able to make her way about halfway in before she could no longer hold back the darkness and the walls closed in.  She began to cry out.  A friend was standing outside the maze and heard her call for help.  He guessed from the sound where she might be and simply reached down and lifted off the cardboard roof.  Light flooded in, darkness was chased away, and her fear went with it.

The Scriptures does more than simply tell us Jesus is the light of the world.  In it we hear Jesus as he turn to his disciples and says, “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”

In some way, all who have responded to the light of Christ, have become pinholes, cracks and windows through which this light, which cannot be controlled, floods into our worlds.  How much more darkness would be dispelled if we quit worrying about how dark it is and simply enlarged the hole, opened the crack, and throw open the shutters. 

I cannot help but wonder, in the next month, as we moved through advent, preparing our hearts for the celebrations of light making its way into our world, what opportunities we will be given to shine.  As we delight in the lights with which we will decorate or homes and our trees, could we also find great joy in searching for the openings which will present the chance for the light of Christ to shine through us.

With this thought in mind, I think it is time to get out of the bed, toss back the curtains and greet the day.

My Pink Bracelet

I have recently taken to wearing a pink bracelet.  Though I have no problem rocking the pink, I do not wear it for the sake of fashion.  While we have just exited breast cancer awareness month and saw pink show up everywhere from National Football League to NASCAR, I do not wear it bring awareness to the fight against this disease, though I would love nothing more than to see it eradicated. I began wearing this bracelet to remind me to pray for a courageous girl named Liz.

Elizabeth is her full name and three years ago she began to experience medical issues which have tested her physically, mentally, emotionally, and spirituality. Without going into all that she has suffered, I will simply share  I have seen her walk with dignity through so much more than most of the adults I know could have endured.  At times, I have wondered how I would have fared if I had to walk the road she has traveled.  I am pretty sure I would have not been able to do it with as much grace and strength as this young lady has demonstrated.

Her mother has been gracious enough to invite us to bear witness to the journey this young lady is walking.  In the process we have seen times when Liz will muster what seems like supernatural strength to face the next battery of invasive tests. We have seen her demonstrate hopefulness in seasons where most of us might have been tempted to sink into despair. In the midst of her struggle, she has found ways to give to and bless others who also find themselves in a season of struggle. We have been able to watch Liz take great delight and exhibit genuine thankfulness in simple pleasures most of us take for granted.  We have gazed at images of  her face being covered with a surgical mask as she waits for the next procedure.  This mask cannot hide her beautiful smile which gives clue to the fact that the center of who she is does not rest in her present circumstance.

Do not get me wrong, she has hard days.  Liz after all is human, but in the midst of these hard days are the traces of the sacred in her life the bear witness to the fact there is something much bigger than her suffering going on here.  As I said, we have been invited to witness this journey, and I, along with many others, have been paying close attention to the way in which she and her family have been walking this path.  We are not bystanders who are watching from sidelines with curiosity, but a community of people who desire for this journey to end in healing, or at least in a diagnoses which can bring understanding, treatment and relief.  Liz has not yet arrived at the destination all our hearts have longed for. 

As a reminder to ourselves of the privilege we have to in someway to walk this journey with her and her family, and as an invitation for others to come witness the sacredness of what is taking place, we wear these pink bracelets.  There are words written on them.  Though they help us remember what Liz is going through, they do not say “Remember Liz”.  Though they help us to pray for Liz, they do not say “Pray for Liz”.  What they say is “Live Like Liz”.

While I only received my bracelet a short time ago, I have been amazed at how it has done so much more than remind me to pray for Liz.  Just the other day I was dealing with my own pain, which in no way compares with what Liz has been facing, but is real none the less.  In the middle of this I caught a glimpse of the pink band around my wrist. I read the words.  I was reminded of how she faces this struggle and I was inspired by this young girl’s example. In the process, something in my heart grew in its capacity to face my own path.  There was something very redemptive about this.  It was a gift to me, born of watching her endure this trial with such strength.

I say it is a gift, but I want you to understand, I do not think what Liz is going through is a gift.  This weekend I heard a pastor say, “I believe there are things which happen to us which are not God’s will.”  I agree with him. I do not believe it is God’s will for a young girl to suffer what Liz has suffered, or for her parents and family to have to endure walking this path with her.  It is hard for us, with our finite minds, to wrap our brains around the fact God in His sovereignty can allow something to happen to us which is in fact not in His will for us.  We see this every time we turn from Him, every time we chose sin, every time we settle for less than the life He longs for us to embrace, and I think we see it very clearly in the suffering of a young girl who is enduring more than God would have ever willed for her to experience.

This reality does not mean Grace cannot be found here.  As hard and tiring as this journey has been for her and her parents, in the moments when rest comes I know they would tell you of their experience of God’s grace and mercy in the midst of this trial. Part of the way this grace is shown is in the ability He has to take what was meant for evil and bring good out of it.  It is a great good when others, like me, can contemplate the manner in which a young girl faces the pain and suffering she is forced to endure and we find in her an example of what is necessary to reshape our own hearts response to affliction.

If I could chose, I would rather she never had suffered.  I would prefer to not have the capacity to learn from her.  I wish she had nothing to teach me because she did not have to walk this path.  Given these wishes are not based in the truth she experiences, I am grateful for the reality this suffering is being redeemed. 

The fact God is able to bring redemption in the midst of suffering does not change the desire I have for the healing to take place and the suffering to end.  It also does not change my belief God laments with us over what Liz and her family has to endure or the fact that my heart breaks every time I hear of a setback.   It does, however, give me the hope none of this will be in vain.  Great good is being born out of what I can only count as the most sinister evil.  Redemption is already at work, even if we have yet to see it manifest its fullness in healing. 

Oh how my heart longs for that day.

I hope at the end of all this when she is well, maybe when she has grown into a woman, I can sit down with her and try to explain how inspirational she has been to me.  I want to be able to explain to her how God used her life to shape mine and how much good came out of the terrible suffering she had to endure.  Maybe then, we can sit together and hold the mystery of how our God can take what He never willed and redeem it.  We can marvel with one another at His ability to birth life out what was meant for destruction, and we can rejoice in the fact this season is in the past.

The promise of these things brings me hope.  It is what I cry out to God for.  It is why I wear a pink bracelet.  I am being changed by what it represents, the life of this incredible young girl. There is truth in the words I wear on my wrist.  I want to live like Liz.

Look Up

So often in life, especially when circumstances are difficult or leave you feeling as if the future is unknown, we find our focus becomes fixated on the predicament we find ourselves in rather than the One who is with us.  This propensity can lead us to a lack of contentment, anxiousness and a loss of hope. 

Because we are so focused on the circumstance, we believe the answer is to somehow try and fix or control the situation.  If we are unsuccessful in this endeavor, this may lead to despair.  If we are able to manage this level of control over our situation, it may eliminate the pain and pressure of the circumstance, but it may also lead us to put our hope is something far smaller than the God of the universe.  This in turn will lead us to live in a very small story, in which we are always susceptible to being blown about by the winds of our changing circumstances.

This is not the life we were designed to live.

Given this reality, I have been spending time contemplating the character and nature of God.  It seems the only appropriate response to the circumstances in which I find myself.  I do not know if you have ever been lost in the woods, without a GPS, map, or clearly marked trail.  When this happens, after the initial anxiousness subsides, the thing to do is to look up and try to find yourself a landmark which you recognize that can guide you out of our state of lostness and back to a place where you can rest in the comfort of knowing exactly where you are. 

When there are no landmarks, you turn your attention to the Sun, or the Moon if it is night, and because you know the consistency with which they make their way through the heavens, they help you to gain your bearings and guide you back to a place of foundness.  When the wilderness is your life, focusing on the character and nature of God, because we know the consistency of who He is, provides the same kind of help..

Focusing on these things has put me in a place of contemplating God's vastness.  He is so vast; there is not a place where He is not.  I cannot find myself so lost that He is not there.  I have pondered God’s infinitude.  There are no boundaries to His existence, knowledge and power.  I cannot find myself in a situation which He is unaware of, lacks the power to intervene in, or which will last beyond His ability to intercede. 

I can go on and on.  I could talk about His goodness, justice, mercy and grace, all of which know no bounds.  I could speak of His holiness, perfection, and trustworthiness, which ought to engender hope and belief.  There is, however, something else which I have been thinking about that has helped me see another aspect of God that gives me an entirely different view of why He is worth looking to in this season.  While reading 1 Timothy this morning I was struck by God’s willingness to allow His own desires to go without being completely fulfilled. 

As the Apostle Paul is urging his reader to pray for all men he says, “This is good and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.”  Here is what is at the core of the heart of God.  It is born out of love.  It has motivated Him to humble himself and become a man.  It caused the Father to sacrifice the son.  It caused the Son to be willing to submit to the will of the Father.  It is the desire the Holy Spirit works to bring about.  Because this desire is so close to the heart of God, our lostness becomes the conflict to be resolved in the grand story of God.  Every plot-line which is introduced and developed is leading toward the climax of this desired fulfillment.

While I am in no position to judge, on the surface it seems to me from what I can observe, not “all men” have or will respond to the loving pursuit of God.  How hard it must be for Him, to know the way of life, and yet to be willing to allow all men to decide for themselves whether they will choose to walk along this path.  How hard it must be because He knows all things, including the fact there is no other hope to be found, to desire such good for all men, only to see that desire remain unfulfilled. 

My temptation if I were God, given the fact I would not only know all good, but am all good, would be to force people into the good, but He does not do this.  He is willing to set aside His desire to allow us to choose to come to this knowledge or not.  This fact must also be good, for He is always good to us.

As I am trying to wrap my head around this goodness and what it means, another thought occurs to me.  What if in the process of experiencing our own unfulfilled desires we are able to discover something of the heart of God.  What if in having something that seems like the ultimate good go unfulfilled we are actually given the experience of what is like to be the Father of the Prodigal Son, always about our work, but also always with one eye focused down the road, hoping for that day he sees the silhouette of his son making his way back home.

In the story, the son returns and there is much rejoicing.  In life, we know the Father’s will is that all would return, but many never make their way back down that road.  In our unfilled desires we catch a glimpse of how the Father’s heart must ache.  Yes, our heart aches but in the pain it also instruct us on just how much love this all knowing, all powerful, ever present God has for us.

This should cause our hearts to look up when we are lost, to take our eyes off of the circumstances of our life and remember the one who waits at the end of the road.  It is in this image which will lead us out of lostness  to the place of being found.  When we come to rest in our foundness we will discover the great joy of knowing all the desires that have been set aside along the way, if fulfilled, could in no way replace the peace, joy and contentment we have come to know.

This is my hope.  It is why in the midst of my present circumstances I choose to look up.

Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

Psalm 139:7-12

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.

 If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.