Humbled by Generosity

For 20 years, directly or indirectly, I oversaw the finances of a large church.  When I first started, the budget was just under a million dollars. By the end of my time in the position, the budget had at times climbed as high as 2.4 million.  I do not have the exact figure, but over the 20 years that I served at that church, it received 27-30 million dollars in general fund giving.  Add to this figure $4 million raised for a building, another few hundred thousand collected for various other facilities repairs, hundreds of thousands of dollars for missions and you have quite a  bit of money collected.  The congregation of the church is made up of very generous people.

When it came to general fund giving, I could tell you the giving patterns which would show up each year.  I could estimate very closely what percentage of giving would come from the top 20% of givers.  I knew when we would be behind for the year and by how much.  I knew when we were likely to catch up.  I knew when it looked bad but was not, and when it looked bad and we had to worry.  I have not seen the numbers from the church in over a year, but I bet I could write a number on a piece of paper and it would be pretty close to where its finances are at this point in the year.

The one thing I never knew was who gave what.  I never knew who the big givers were, and I never knew who did not give a thing.  This was not just a policy; it was very intentional on my part.  I did not want my ability to love and serve the individuals who made up the congregation to ever be influenced by what someone did or did not give. People are to be loved and served because they bear the image of God, not because of the resources they have and share.   If I ever work in a church again I will do it just the same.

You can imagine, given my experience and this tightly held principle, how hard it was for me when I recently launched a project on Kickstarter and found out I would be receiving updates on who gave, and what they gave.  This was necessary because the rewards offered for giving to the project were different based upon the amount pledged.   This fact did not change, however, how uncomfortable it was in the beginning for a man who had spent the last 20 years avoiding this kind of information at all costs.

That feeling was quickly replaced with another as the pledges began to come in.  The uncomfortableness of the process was soon replaced with a great humility.

It began the morning of the launch, I was with my best friend and I told him I had started the Kickstarter.  He immediately pulled out his smart phone in order to insure he was the first to sponsor me.  I think he was more excited than I was.  It was a gift to see some so eager to support you and to see joy on their face at having done it. 

While driving home from our breakfast, my phone dinged with a notification of the second person to back my project.  It was someone who has not been blessed with an abundance of resources, and yet they chose to support this endeavor.  The widow who gave her last mite would not have moved me any more than this act of kindness.  I wept as I drove home and could barely tell my wife why when I got there.  I would find more then one backer that fit the description of not allowing their circumstance to determine their generosity.

I had two couples, who had one of the spouses recently laid off, pledge a gift. At a time when they are probably wondering what their finances will look like in a few months, they chose to demonstrate generosity.  This was not just the committing of some funds to a project, it was a deeply spiritual act of blessing and trust in God.

I would have thought the people I know best would have given the most, and certainly many of them did.  I was surprised, however, to see people who share a passion for seeing people transformed into Christ's image, but who I do not know as well, give so generously.  They made pledges beyond what I would have ever dared to imagine.  Several times during this process I had to catch my breath as I opened an email containing the news of generosity beyond my expectation. 

I had young adults who we used to take to children’s camp join the team.  I served them when they were growing up, I served alongside them when they were in high school and college, and now I found myself in a position to be served by them.  To experience our life together coming full circle was a great grace.

Of course, my closest family got behind me, but there is something which touches the deepest parts of your soul when your parents, children and wife are all in when it comes to belief and support.  

My heart was also moved by the people I never met who wanted to be part of this project.  To have a complete stranger back you is powerful.  I was also touched by the people who chose to support who I have long known but have not lived much life with in decades, and by the many good friends who not only supported the Kickstarter, but were also excited to see it get closer and closer to the finish line.  I had people share with me they were getting on the site multiple times a day to see where we were.  I celebrate with them the fact we are fully funded!

Then there were those who chose to give even after we had reached our goal.  They were not giving so we would hit our target; they gave because they wanted to be part of what we were doing.  Actually, it is probably more accurate to say they gave simply because, in various ways, we are part of one another.  It is a privilege to know these kinds of people.

The journey I will write about began two years ago when I was demoted. I met with my son to let him know what was going on before he heard it from someone else.  I told him I had to choose to either take the new position I was being offered, or quit.  For reasons which are not important to share, my son encouraged me to quit.  He was not simply reacting; his reasoning had some wisdom and in the end proved to be correct.  Growing up in a ministry family there are certain things you just come to know in your gut.

After listening to him and considering his advice, I pulled out the book of Philippians and read chapter two out loud.  It commands us to have the same attitude as Christ, who was willing to humble himself.  I asked my son, “What if the decision before me was not whether to stay in a job or not, but was I willing to enter the school of humility or not? What if this would all be used by God to help me develop the attitude of Christ?’  To grow in humility, I reasoned, means sometimes you must be willing to be humiliated.  I did not want to run if this is what God was doing.  After some prayer, and a few days to be sure I was not simply reacting, I chose to stay.

This past month, as I have watched the support for my project roll in from friends, family and people I do not even know, I have learned another way in which humility can be grown in you.  The school of humility also includes the experience of being the recipient of the kindness and generosity of others.  I have been humbled by the love my  supporters of my project have shown me.  I have been humbled by their willingness to get behind this creative project and believe in what will be birthed through it.  I have been humbled by their belief in me.  I have been humbled by their willingness to sacrifice on my behalf, and give beyond expectation.  I have been humbled by their excitement and joy in the project. I have seen much humility in the people who have partnered with me, and it has been used by God to grow humility in me.

I am blessed and humbled to be surrounded by such gracious and generous people. Each and every one of them is a teacher and gift to me.

Where do the pieces fit?

A month ago, I set into motion events designed to marry my gifts, experience and even my dreams. I wanted to write a book which would be born out of the spiritual journey I have been on for the past two years.  I decided to use Kickstarter, a website that helps artists gain support to fund their projects, to gather a group of patrons who would be willing to partner with me.

I have to admit, hitting the launch button on the project was scarier than I thought it would be.  In that moment, you are putting yourself out there.  You are letting the world know there is something on your heart which you wish to create and share; maybe something you have been made to give to the world.  You are telling those who will take the time to explore your proposal, there is something you believe about yourself which you are ready to step into.  You wonder if they will believe it too. You wonder if you should risk it.  You second guess yourself, but with the click of a mouse, there is no going back.  

I wish I could report my heart’s reaction, when the click was made, was to believe others would understand what God has been doing in this season, and would be drawn to partner in what He will produce through this journey.  What crossed my mind in that moment, however, was, “What if after putting this out there, all I hear is crickets?”  Thankfully that has not been the case, and there is a good chance we will reach the finish line.

When the idea for writing this book came to me, I did not have walking the Camino as part of the plan.  One day, while walking and thinking about the book, the connection was made in my mind between the spiritual journey which I had been taking in my heart and the physical journey of walking the Camino.  Soon after, the idea of the Kickstarter project was born.  Since then, I have had a vision of how it might unfold and what the outline of the book might be. The journey, however, is not complete.  New pieces of the puzzle are still being added.  What is being born in this process is still being formed.

This weekend, I was on retreat with one of the people who has chosen to get behind this creative project.  He had read the page and bought into the premise, but this was one of the first times we had seen each other since the launch.  One morning we got up early to walk (you have got to get the training in) and as we did, I was able to share more of what was on my heart and how I hoped the experience of walking the Camino might help shape how it will be expressed.

At one point, he turned and asked me what I thought about him joining me on the trip.  He regretted he could not walk the whole 500 miles, but would love to meet up with me for the last leg of the journey.  This was unexpected, but because we have traveled so much life together, I was open to the idea and told him so.  Bright and early Monday morning, I received an email informing me he had talked to his wife and she was all for it.  He had also spoken to his boss and his company was willing to rearrange a trip to China, he was scheduled to take, so it would not conflict with the Camino.  In short, he was in.

This turn of events was a bit unexpected.  It was not what I had been planning, but then again the last two years were not what I would have planned either.  They have been an exercise in willingness and openness to yield my desires to what God might be doing.  This change in what I was envisioning seems to be a continuation of this theme, and I do not think it is by accident.

I spent some time sharing these developments with my wife and as we talked about it, it was not hard for us to imagine God might be up to something in this unexpected turn in the road.  God appears to be working in ways which are bigger than what I am thinking or even imagining. 

You may be thinking, big deal a friend and supporter may be going along. It is bigger than that.  I am not even sure I can explain why, but I am confident I will be able to put it into words at then end of the Camino. Until then, you have to trust me when I say, this man's coming along feels like something much bigger than a friend showing up for a walk.

If that were not enough, I had a meeting on the same day with a gentleman I know through Biola University.  He had approached me with an opportunity for a ministry he wanted me to help design and lead.  We spent an hour and a half dreaming of what might be possible and envisioning the impact of this potential future reality.  At the end of the conversation, as we were talking about what the next steps would look like, I mentioned I would be unavailable in June.  I explained I would be walking the Camino.  He lit up and asked me about it.  He then asked a question which seems to be becoming quite common, “Would you mind if I went with you?” 

At first I just smiled and thought to myself, "This is is turning into a fellowship of the Way."  I then said, "I am open to it.”  He then launched into how God had laid this on his heart some time ago and what it would mean to be able to do it.  I thought about how the shared experience might actually better prepare us for what we had been dreaming about for the last hour, and simply wondered, “God, what are you doing?”

This is a question I have had on my mind a lot in this season of transition.  As I explained to the man from Biola, it is like there is a table before me and God continues to place puzzle pieces upon it.  I do not have a box top for reference.  I do not know what picture we are trying to create.  I can make out the shapes and the colors.  I can even put a few pieces together, but to complete this puzzle I am wholly reliant on God to help me see how the pieces He has laid before me will fit together.

This is a far different journey than trying to force the pieces together, or wrestling control from God.  It is a different way of walking. 

So when two men, on one day, decide they want to join you on the journey, all you can do is thank God for the new pieces on the table and then ask for His help in connecting them all together. He is up to something and I am expectant to see the picture which is revealed as these pieces begin to take shape.

I wonder, what is going on in your life which may feel similar?  How many puzzle pieces are on your card table?  What has happened to you which is unexpected and may be an invitation to trust God is up to something you have not yet envisioned or imagined?  How willing are you to refrain from forcing the pieces together?  Are you willing to release control?  How open are you to waiting on God to show you how it will all look?  

These are important questions to consider.  I think the answers to them will make all the difference in the world regarding what kind of picture will appear as the pieces begin to fit together.  I can wait to see fully the picture of what God has been doing.

P.S. I am three days away from the finish line on Kickstarter. At the time of writing this, we have received 85% of our goal. If you want to find out more about this project, you may go to my Kickstarter page: www.kickstarter.com/projects/803864521/crossroads-on-the-camino-de-santiago. I would be grateful if you did.

Of Blind Men And Data Cables

When I was first married, I worked for a company which manufactured data cables. Most of the cables we built were for medical devices.  If you ended up in the hospital in the late 80’s and found yourself attached to a heart monitor there is a chance you might have been wired to it using a cable we created.  We filled a niche market by being able to produce one-off cables and small runs.  Because no one else was doing it, it also meant this small upstart company was growing like a weed, and we could charge a premium.

We handled this growth by systematizing everything, and through a little bit of sleight of hand.  We talked about being able to produce unique, one off cables, but the truth is we used a limited amount of parts and tooling.  We could make a cable which would get the job done, but it would be with the same materials we used for nearly every cable.  It was a great system for making data cables.

I was hired as the accounts payable and receivable clerk, but within a very short span of time I was also working alongside the owner running the production line.  He had designed it using Total Quality Management principles which allowed us to produce 1 or 1,000 cables with quality and speed.  We were unique because you could order just one cable and we would not only produce it, often the same day, but we would also injection mold the connector.  This may not mean much to you, but for the guys designing the cables it was cool.

We called the production line the “Carrio C” after the owner and the shape of the configuration.  We prided ourselves on the fact we would only touch a part once during production and because we used standardized parts, we could build several different cables at the same time on the same line.  It was a rush to help balance the line in order to move cables through each stage of the process at a pace where as one cable was being stared, another was being completed.

Why all of this was on my mind this morning I do not know, but I woke up thinking of this manufacturing environment and also thinking of Jesus.  It is the contrast between the two which held my attention.  Honestly, I do not know if Jesus would have done well working in our shop. Jesus did not seem to systematize His ministry in the same way we ran our production line.

What gave us the ability to do what we did in our shop was the capacity to reduce the process to the least common denominator and then repeat the practice over and over again.  This is not how Jesus worked.  People and ministry were not reduced in this way.  He seemingly makes a point to do just the opposite.  For example, when Jesus healed people He did it in a different way every time.

When Jesus heals Bartimaeus, without any other action but speaking the words, “Receive your sight; your faith has made you well,” He heals the man.  When He encounters the blind man of Bethsaida, Jesus first spits in the man’s eyes, He then asks him what he sees.  When the man reports his sight has improved, but is not clear, Jesus then lays His hands on his eyes and the man is fully healed.  Another time, Jesus passed by a blind man.  He stopped to heal him.  This time He spits on the ground, and make clay of the spittle and dirt, and applied the clay to the man's eyes.  Jesus then told him to go wash in the pool of Siloam.  The man did and came back seeing.

Imagine how hard this must have been on the disciples who were taking notes.  Under the heading “Healing of the Blind,” after the first encounter they might have written: Say these words and sight will be restored, “Receive your sight; your faith has made you well.”  Then after the second encounter they scratched that off and wrote something about applying spit to the eyes to heal.  Maybe they even noted exactly how it was applied.  This too was eventually crossed out and the mud plaster method was noted.  I bet their notebook was a mess.

It seems to me it is impossible to take notes on Jesus’ "system" of ministry.  There are definite principles we can learn and employ.  For example, I would feel very confident in asserting everything we do must be rooted and grounded in love, but to trying to come up with the kind of system which we relied upon when we were manufacturing data cables seems impossible from Jesus’ modeling of ministry.  The fact is, He very rarely did things exactly the same way.

I believe this was intentional on His part.  It prevents us from reducing faith and ministry to a formula, and it forces us to recognize we are not dealing with a product, but with people. 

Part of the reason each one of Jesus’ interactions were different was because it was not simply about healing a physical aliment, it was about healing the person.  I do not know why it may have been more powerful for one man to simply have words spoken over him, or why for another a mud plaster was more appropriate.  I have a hunch, however, if we were able to sit down with Jesus and ask Him, his answer would have a lot more to do with the heart of the person than with method of application. 

He did not force people into his manufacturing system; instead he applied the characteristics of the kingdom to each individual’s story.  All encountered love, acceptance, forgiveness, and healing, but it looked slightly different because of who was being healed.  It was never about the method, it was about the relationship between the healer and the one who needed healing.

On the surface, approaching people and ministry in this way may seem more difficult than setting up and sending people through an assembly line.  Relationship does takes more time than systems, but it is also the only way to bring about the complete healing we all really need.

While we hear these stories of healing and see men who were once blind and who now can see, they are more than accounts of the restoration of a physical capacity. I think there is a more significant healing which also took place, one which touched the deep wounding of the heart.  It is the place where our need for healing often goes unnoticed.  It is the place where we experience the crippling of loneliness and isolation.  These can only be healed as we are seen, known, accepted, and loved.  This is the deeper healing Jesus gives as He approaches each person in a way which speaks to their uniqueness.  It is a healing which is difficult, if not all together impossible, to attain in a assembly line approach to people. People, after all, are not data cables.

If I ever find myself in a position to once again manufacture parts, I will draw heavily from the systems and methods we employed while manufacturing data cables.  If I ever find myself in a position to be able to be used by God to bring healing to the lives of people, I will draw from the example I see in Jesus.

I think it is very important not to get the two mixed up.

All The Lonely People...

In a moment of musical clarity, which probably gave a glimpse into the heart of the lyricist, the Beatles asked the question, “All the lonely people, where do they all come from?”   I think the answer to this question resides somewhere in the reality we all have felt alone.  That is why to the writer of this song, there seemed to be so many of us.

This truth was once again brought to may attention this weekend as I listened to a group of people share their life stories. Because of the confidentiality necessary to create safety in this environment, I will not share any part of what they said.  I will,  however, share what was resonating in my heart as I listened.  It is a truth I recognize in my story, and have witnessed in different ways in the life journey of many others.  May be it is part of yours as well?

It begins with the acknowledgement of the simple reality; people often feel a deep sense of loneliness.  This can be a low grade feeling which seems to be a constant companion throughout life. People who experience this often have trouble remembering a time when they did not feeling alone.   It can also be a very intense reality in certain seasons of life like the loss of friendship, the death of a loved one, or the severing of a marriage.  While loneliness in these circumstances is brought on by an event, it often then stick with the person for years.  Whether always present or showing up in spurts, I have not met very many people who, if they were being straight with you, would not admit to feeling lonely for significant seasons in their life.

Loneliness can be present even when we are surrounded by other people.  We can be awash with family, friends, and even our community of faith and still feel quite alone.  We can even know these people love us and want the best for us, but somehow their good intentions and proximity does not fully erase the sense of isolation.  It seems logical to assert being surrounded by people will reduce your chances of being lonely, but being around people simply does not guarantee you will not experience loneliness.

The cure for loneliness is not being around people, it is being known.  The sad reality is often we are surrounded by lots of folks, and do not feel known by any of them.  How known do you feel?  Can you think a person or group of people with whom you feel seen and understood? If you answer "not very" or "no one," you need to know beyond any shadow of a doubt, you certainly are not alone in feeling this way.

The other part of what was resonating in my heart was born out of the experience of listening to the life stories of these wonderful, and beautiful people.  I could not help but notice; even though people identify themselves as feeling lonely, this fact does not take away their capacity to snuff out loneliness in others.  This appears to me to be a gracious gift.

Think about how easy it is to chase away loneliness by providing even small opportunities for someone to be known.  A simple touch of the shoulder allows someone to feel as if their presence has been recognized.  The question, “How are you really doing?” moves the conversation beyond the polite “Fine” or “Good”, and invites a person to share even a small truth about what is going on in their heart.  In the process they may actually feel seen.  Sitting down for coffee and letting a person know you have plenty of time and are more than willing to listen creates the space necessary for them to begin to share the deeper concerns of their soul.  Asking to hear someone’s story is an invitation for them to be known. Refraining from giving advice and simply mirroring back what you have heard  enables them to feel understood.   Taking an opportunity to pray a blessing over them may be the very thing which allows them to receive the truth of their value and the real possibility all of their story can be redeemed.

Even someone who knows what it is to feel the pangs of loneliness can share these gifts.  Maybe, because they know what it is to feel alone, they can actually do so in a much more attentive and compassionate way.  If my theory is correct and we have all felt the sting of loneliness, we can all develop the capacity to give these gifts to one another.

Having the capacity does not mean it will necessarily be easy.  Speaking their story out loud can be scary for people who have never had the experience of being invited to be known.  It can be down right frightful for those who have taken the risk in the past and have been dismissed or hurt in the process.  This is why it is also important, with the invitation to be known, you also communicate they are loved.  You want them to be confident, despite whatever they share, you are for them and will love them.  If someone is able to trust you will love them no matter what, they will also be enabled to take the courageous step of allowing you to know them.  Maybe not all at once, but like the slow unfolding of a rosebud, they will open up.  

In the unfolding of their story you are likely to see both light and shadow.  What is true of all of us is our stories are made up of both good and bad, both the broken things and the beautiful things.  Often, as someone is sharing their story with you, you are able to see traces of the sacred in places they could not even imagine them showing up.  In helping recognize these places, you have the opportunity to help them recognize how both the broken and beautiful things can be redeemed for good.  This is powerful because it can help them make sense of their story, all of it.

It also makes them feel seen and known.  Being known chases away loneliness.  This is a beautiful gift for both the one who is sharing their story and for the one who is listening.

I have noticed, when I have had opportunity to pay attention to anothers' life story, listening not only helps chase away their loneliness, it also works at removing mine. No matter what degree of loneliness I may feel when entering one of these conversations, I have never felt as alone after someone has risked telling me a part of their narrative.  In their story, I often see parts of my own.  Even if I shared nothing about myself, somehow I feel known because of what our stories hold in common.  

In the telling of their story and recognizing the places of similarity, a unity of spirit is born.  It is impossible to feel completely alone when you feel unified in spirit to another.  This unity may not give you the sense you are fully known, but it does impart to you the hope it is possible.  This is an unexpected gift to the one who listens.

What would it be if we simply recognized the common condition of many hearts is varying degrees of loneliness?  What if we embraced the fact we have the capacity to cure this condition by creating a safe environment where we extend love and posture ourselves to listen?  What positive impact would the invitation to be known have on those around us?  I think it would be significant, healing and life-giving.

I imagine if we could create such places we just might have to change the lyrics to the Beatles song to something like, “All the lonely people, where did they all go to?”  It is a promising thought.  The possibility lies within you.

Jacob is a tool!

Each week I meet with a couple of gentlemen to share life and discuss the copious amounts of Scripture we have read since our last gathering. Sometimes, we will take on a large book of the Bible.  If we read a smaller book for the week, we may read it through two or three times depending on its length.  My favorite pace, however, is when we take ten chapters of a book and read it through several times in a week.  This allows you to capture nuances in the text you might not otherwise see.  If one of us does not get the reading done in a given week, we repeat the same section of scripture until we have all finished in the allotted time.  This is not intended to build guilt and shame.  It actually is a gift, because it allows us to soak in the text.

Lately, we have been in Genesis, reading the account of Abraham and his family.  The last couple of weeks we have been in the sections which deal with Jacob, who would later have his name changed to Israel.  As we have been reading through these chapters I have formed an opinion about Jacob, and I hate to say it, but it is not very kind.  In short, I think Jacob was a tool.

Think about it.  Jacob preyed on his brother’s weakness and bought his birth right. While he was afraid he would be caught and cursed, he still decided to go along with his mother’s plan and trick his father into also giving him his brother’s blessings.  As you can imagine this does not go over well with his brother Esau, who is so mad he could kill him.  Rather than manning up, Jacob runs.

When he meet his match in his future father-in-law, Jacob is tricked into marrying the wrong daughter, Leah. It is apparent, even though the father gives him the one he desired, Rachel, he never makes Leah feel loved or valued.

This causes the women in his family to compete with one another and engage in a “Birth Race” to see who can produce the most sons.  When the women themselves do not get pregnant they give their maidservants to Jacob to conceive on their behalf.  This is where the 12 tribes of Israel given birth.  It is also where rivalry between the sons of Jacob is hatched.  The favoritism he shows to Rachel is conferred to her sons.  This is not the kind of soil in which brotherly love is grown.

Jacob pays his father-in-law, Laban, back for his deception (which is extremely ironic to me) by breeding his flock in such a way that the portion he has promised to Jacob increases and Laban’s decreases.  Just about the time Laban and his son’s start to wake up to what he is doing, Jacob packs up his family and flocks and flees again.  He heads back to his homeland, hoping his brother has cooled off.

When he hears his brother is coming to meet him Jacob splits his family up, in the order of values, from least to most important.  Yep he sent the maidservants and their children first, Leah and her children next, and finally Rachel and Joseph in the rear.  I guess he figured if his brother was still mad and started to kill his family, those he most valued might be able to escape.

When he meets Esau and his brother embraces him rather than strikes him down, Jacob does what any man who has just been restored to his estranged brother would do.  He lies.  He tells Esau he will follow him slowly to Seir, but as soon as he is out of sight he exits stage right to Succoth.  You just have to wonder about a guy who spent the last few days worried his brother was going to kill him because of his deceptions and who experiences grace instead of retribution, only to repay it by deceiving him once again.

Once settled in his new home, his daughter Dinah is seduced and violated by the favored son of a nearby ruler.  When her brothers take action to revenge their sister’s disgrace, Jacob’s concern is not for her or even for the men they have slaughtered.  He rebukes them for the trouble they have brought on him.

Jacob’s favoritism of his son Joseph did not endear the boy to his brothers.  This made the dream Joseph had about his brothers bowing down to him that much more distasteful.  This of course leads to Joseph being sold into slavery.  This will end up for Jacob’s good, but it is a great evil none the less.

When Jacob sends his 10 sons to Egypt to buy grain and Joseph, who is not recognized by them, he puts Simeon in prison until they return with their younger brother Benjamin.  This son happens to be born to the same mother as Joseph and thus is also favored by Jacob.  He refuses to allow the brothers to return to Egypt fearing he will lose Rachel’s other son.  How would you feel if you were Simeon, knowing your father will allow you to rot in prison to secure the safety of Benjamin?  How would you feel if you were any of the other 9, knowing you will always be seen as second rate to the boys born of Rachel?  Jacob is not concerned for Simeon, or at least not enough to do anything about his imprisonment, but chastises the brothers for the trouble they have brought upon him. It is all about you Jacob.

This is the man who gives birth to the 12 tribes of Israel.  He is a deceiver, creator of dysfunctional families, and selfish.  If I am honest, reading this over and over again made me angry.  Why would God choose someone like this to be the father of the nation through which He would bless the world? 

There is a temptation to dismiss away Jacob's shortcomings.  I spent some time reading commentaries from both the Christian and Jewish perspective, and many of them want to make excuses for why Jacob was not as big of a tool as he appears to be.  This seems to me to be an effort to somehow make what we know to be true about Jacob, and what we hope to be true about God fit our idea of how it ought to be.  Does it fit our sense of how things should be to have a Holy God choose to use such a seemingly unholy man to give birth to the people through which He would bless the world?  There is something in us that wants to say no, so we try to explain Jacob’s behavior away.  We try to make him look better than he was. This is hard to do when you read and reread the story.

I cannot help but come to the conclusion Jacob was indeed a tool.  I also have to conclude this is actually a very good thing.  

If he had been a man of good moral character, if he had made amends when he had wronged others, if he had been the kind of guy who would do the right thing, even if it cost him, we might be tempted to develop a theology which asserted if we are good enough God will bless us.  If we are honest with ourselves, this is exactly what we want to believe.  It gives us some measure of control.  It requires God to come through for us, if we are good.

We like this kind of certainty, but this certainty comes at a great cost.  This theology of quid pro quo would also mean if we messed up, if we were not as good as we could have been, or as good as God might expect us to be, He could use our indiscretion as an opportunity to curse us.  Maybe you think you are good enough to take the risk.  I know I am not.

In this kind of theology, God would be more like a vending machine than a loving father who keeps his promises.  What we received would be dependent on the good we put in the coin mechanism, rather than on His unfailing love.

Thankfully, Jacob was a tool and God fulfilled His promises to him anyway.  God’s keeping of the covenant He had made to Jacob, his father, and his grandfather had nothing to do with the ones who received the promise and everything to do with the mercy and grace of God.  If you do not believe me, go back to the top of this blog and reread it, or better yet go to Genesis and spend some time in chapters 25 - 49.  Discover for yourself how undeserving Jacob was, and how richly God blessed him.  Read the rest of the Scriptures to see how we have all been blessed through this man who was so unworthy.

This wonderful reality makes Jacob a great tool, a tool for remembering, it is not how deserving we can make ourselves, but how merciful and gracious God is.  He lavishes His love upon us, not because we somehow have earned it, but because He is love.

This is hard to accept.  If we are honest with ourselves, we still want to somehow twist Jacob’s story to make him look better than he was.  It is, however, great news, because if you are like me (and I have a sneaky suspicion you are) there are times in your life you have been a tool.  How much better it is to know, despite this fact, God desires to be gracious to you and He will keep his promises.  In the juxtaposition of these two realities, people reading your story might actually see traces of the sacred in your life.  In this way, like Jacob, you too become a blessing to others.

We need not try to present a self which is deserving of God's grace.  This is impossible, it diminish the reality of who He is, and keeps us from accessing the fullness of His blessing.  Instead, we can present our authentic selves, even when it makes us look like a tool, and in the process allow others to see just how good God is.  His graciousness is most clearly seen in the midst of our brokenness.  There is much hope in this reality.  I am grateful Jacob helps us to see it.