First Impressions

I just flew into Charlotte, North Carolina.  I have a three hour layover here until I board a flight which will take me home just in time for a weekend dedicated to getting my daughter settled into college. I have never been here before, so I had no idea what to expect.

Flying into the area all I could see from the plane was homes surrounded by dense forest.  After our plane landed, and as we taxied to the gate, I did not see any building or other planes.  All I saw was the green fields that separate the runways from the taxi ways.  As our plane made its way to the gate. the flight attendant asked for all of us to pull down our window shades to keep the plane as cool as possible for the next flight.  Then I could see nothing.

After arriving at the gate they encouraged us to be careful not to stumble down the steps and for those who had their bags checked at the gate to not walk under the wing, but wait until the baggage personnel brought your bag to you at the side of the plane.

Being from Long Beach, and having worked at Long Beach Airport while in college, I immediately had a vision of what this airport would look like.  Upon departing the plane I was not disappointed.  There was a long walk to what looked like the end of a temporary building.  I could now see other small planes, all which unloaded their passengers directly upon the tarmac.  I just knew when I made my way into the terminal I would find a hand full of gates, a couple of food kiosks and not much else. 

To my surprise, I walked into what might just be the longest concourse I have seen.  It was made up of E gates.  E gates?  From what I observed on the outside, I thought they would be lucky to have 10 gates let along five whole concourses; A,B,C,D and E. 

I began to walk.  I walked for a long time, using the moving paths when possible to speed my progress.  

 I made my way past concourse D and found a grand hall that separates concourses A, B, C and D.  It is filled with restaurants, shops, trees, white rocking chairs and a volunteer piano player who has a tall vase filled with money.  The atriums was filled with people.  Who would have ever imagined looking at the end of the building all of this would be in inside.

 

Sometimes first impressions are just wrong.

Since I had three hours before my next flight, rather than hurrying through the area, I decided to take my time walking through this space and engage myself in what was happening.  I walked by the shops, watched people get their shoes shined (not something you ever see in Southern California), and hovered over the rocking chairs waiting for a free one.  When it was finally my turn, I gave it to a man who looked like he could use it more than me.  I had the time to wait for another.  I had time to just take it all in.

I am now sitting at a table, drinking a Starbuck’s, and watching people go by.  There is the guy who just ran past in flip-flops, the clapping of his footware echoing throughout the building.  There is the teenage girl, who is eating Mac Donald’s and looking as if the rest of life is about as exciting as the food she is digesting.  There is the 20-something women who is Skyping with someone as she eats her Mongolian Barbeque.  She is giving them dating advice.  There are people with smiles on their face, and people who look as if they never have smiled in their life.  There are people who look as if they are going somewhere, and people who are meandering through the terminal as if this is their destination.   There are kind looking people, and mean looking people.  There are people who look like they would be interesting to talk to and people who you might be afraid to strike up a conversation with.  There are those who are dressed for success and those who are dressed for comfort.  I could go on and on, but suffice it to say, this “tiny little airport,” is filled with all kinds of different people in it.

It strikes me as I watch them go by, whatever my first impression is, it may be wrong.  A quick glance, a reading of their body language, and catching a few words as they pass by in no way gives me sufficient information to have any idea what their story is.  Like this terminal I am sitting in, what I initially think is true might have no basis in reality.

This is important to remember, if we ever want to get close enough to people to really know them.

My wife has been volunteering at a free hospice care service.  A few weeks back she was assigned to a man who was dying.  The only family he had with him was a 22 year-old son who was his primary caregiver.  I wonder what I would have thought of him if he was walking through this terminal.  Would I think he was dressed for success, or going somewhere?  Would I think he looked interesting to talk to?  Would I think he was in a hurry or present in the moment?  Would I think he was just like many other 22 year-olds, having little responsibility and lots of times to figure out what life is about?

My wife tells me that to look at this young man you would never know his father was dying and that he was primarily responsible for him.  He carried himself like any other man in his mid 20’s, but the reality was he was bearing a great weight.

If you allowed your first impression of this young man to shape what you thought about him and his experience you would be wrong.  You simply never know the story of a person by observation.  Even the people we live life with, our neighbors, the clerk at the grocery store you frequent, the person who teaches in the next classroom, or resides in the office down the hall may have a story going on in their life that you would never imagine by what you see.

To know someone’s story you have to enter it.  This is what God did; he entered our story, learning firsthand what it was like to be human, to be tempted, to be hungry and tired, to experience loss, to know joy.  Why did he do this, so that he could express the fullness of his loving-kindness in the midst of our story. 

What would it be, if in seeing all these people walk by, we would not settle for our first impression, but be willing to enter into the stories that come across our path?  How would this change our experience in our neighborhood, place of work, the shops we frequent, or the airports in which we layover?  How would it change our view of the people that we see?  How could you enter their story?  Not everyone’s, but at least one person who up till now has just been to you a first impression.  How would this allow you to express the fullness of the loving-kindness which you have experienced?

If we could learn to live like this, we would develop the capacity to see beyond the image we are initially presented with to the big story that is contained inside.  I believe, this would make all the difference in our ability to truly love.

Brunch

This morning I left for another trip.  I had to be out the door by 10:50 am.  Too early for my family’s liking, but late enough for Kristen, Tammie and I to gather around the dining room table for brunch.  Kristen had requested we do so the day before.  You need to know up front our family is not a breakfast family, and with the exception of Christmas morning, we do not participate in brunch either.  Needless to say, this request was a significant request.

Tammie began preparing our meal the day before by slicing bread and making an egg mixture that would be poured over the French bread and baked in the oven.  I do not know the name of the dish.  It was kind of a French toast casserole and it was delicious.   It tasted like the bread had been soaked in custard, not eggs.  It had praline on top and a golden brown crust that was as beautiful as it was delectable. 

When the table was set, the orange juice was poured into wine glasses, and the bacon crisped just right we sat down for what would be the last meal the three of us will share at the table before Kristen moves out and fully embraces dorm living.  It is not the last meal we will ever share at this table, but it is the last one we will have together before this significant transition in life takes place.   When I return from this trip she will be gone.

How quickly we have gotten to this point in life.  Where did all the years go.  Tammie is fond of saying the days are long and the years are short.  This morning reminds me of just how true this statement is.

Our table is a significant place in our home.  We have shared many special meals around it.  Of course there are the holidays, birthdays, and first and last days of many of life’s seasons. 

Some of our favorite meals took place on Valentine’s Day.  When the children were very young Tammie and I decided rather than leave them with a babysitter while we went out to commemorate our love, we would celebrate together as a whole family.  We would set the table with our finest china, pour sparklingly apple cider into wine glasses, and serve up the first hamburger of the barbeque season (We live in Southern California so the B.B.Q season comes early). We would toast one another, share what we appreciate about each other and celebrate the love we have has a family.

When Kristen was young and it came time for her to share with her mother what she like best about her she would say, “I like that you take me to Disneyland.”  This is a nice sentiment, but not the impression or impact my wife had dreamed of making on our daughter.  After the meal I would encourage Tammie by telling her, “Just wait, one day this little girl will grow up into a woman and she will look back on all that you have done for her and she will be grateful for all of it.”

This morning, as I sat across the table from my daughter I saw that women.  Do not get me wrong, she still loves going to Disneyland.  In fact, she is going there tomorrow with a friend before that friend leaves for college.  Yet, Disneyland is not the only things she appreciates any more.

I have noticed over the past year how often she will say thank you for the little things you do for her.  I have seen how she seeks her mother out for guidance, comfort, and to simply share the joy of life. I have watched her walk through hard things and come out the other side in a better place.  I have noticed in her the awakening of the possibility of what she has been created to be and do.  I have also noticed that there is still a little girl inside of her that is moving forward bravely into this new stage of life, but who also wants to cling to the relationships built around this table and the safety of our home.

As I look at her I am filled with love and pride.  I am excited for what comes next and I want to keep her from moving out all in the same moment.

After brunch we retired to the living room where we all took a spot on our sectional.   Kristen sat next to me and allowed me to comb my fingers through her hair.  When she was two years-old she was afraid of me and would not come near me.  How glad I am in this moment it was only a phase.  We talked about what the rest of the week would look like, when she would move in and when I would be home. We discussed her transition into college and Tammie and I shared what wisdom we could.  Mostly, however, we shared these last moments before everything changes.

I would not keep her home for anything.  I am excited for the next phase of her life and how God will use it to continue to mold and shape her.  I truly believe she will blossom in college.  For her the best is yet to come.  I would be lying, however, if I did not admit I am going to miss what has been our life for the past 18 years.  This was a moment to reflect, savior, and hope.  It was also a moment to hold on, just for a few minutes more to what has been such a precious time of life.

We often think of Holy moments coming in a worship service, deep spiritual conversation, or a moment in which the only explanation for what just took place is that God showed up.  Holy moments can also come in sitting down to brunch, drinking orange juice out of wine glasses, and sitting on the couch saving these last moments of childhood with a daughter you love so much.  These moments are glorious.

If this father can feel like this, I wonder if it is not the same for our Heavenly Father.  We are always looking for the big Holy moment.  We are always waiting for God to show up and display His glory in a powerful way.  Maybe, just maybe, it is when we are still long enough to be present with Him that we can become aware of His Glory which is already here.  We have already been living in it.  All we needed to do was take a little time to recognize it and savor it.

The Question

One of the rhythms of life that my recent travels have disrupted is my Friday morning breakfasts with my friend Dana.  This has been be part of our lives for over ten years, so to not be able to partake in the ritual for several weeks in a row throws you a bit off kilter.  Luckily, we were both in town last Friday and were able to meet in our normal booth.

As we caught up on our lives, sharing with one another what God has been doing and how we have been responding, Dana asked me a question that really made me think.  He asked, “Now that you have been doing this job for awhile, what have you noticed is different from working this job and working in the church?”  It did not take long for me to be able to articulate to him what I see as different and similar.

The first thing that popped into my mind is how authentic people have been in the places where I have spent the day working across the country.  Maybe it is because I am there for a day and gone.  Maybe it is because the phone installation guy is akin to a bartender.  No matter the case, people seem to be very open, even sometimes blunt, about who they really are.

I have had people talk to me about their divorces, their child custody issues, their problems with the IRS, and their desire for me to take off the blocker on their computer so they can get porn.  There have been people who have used most every curse word imaginable, are not afraid of telling me what they really think about the people they work with, and how much they enjoy going out with the guys and getting drunk.

 I have also had people brag on their children, and tell me what a priority their family is to them.  I have seen them express gratitude to one another, and joke with one another in a lighthearted way.  I have heard their hope and dreams, and have watched them interact with their spouses after hours while they waited for me to finish up the install.

In short, my experience has been what you see is what you get.  Whatever the person is like that is what they present.  There is no pretense.  No faced.  They simply are who they are.

This is not always the experience in the church.  Often people come to church and feel as if they have to put on an image that does not really represent what is going on in their heart.  This false self is often what they think others will love and accept, rather than who they really are.  How in the world did the place where we are to discover God’s unconditional love and acceptance, become a place where people would feel the need to hide who they really are in order to be loved.  Sadly, some people live their whole life in Christian community hiding behind this wall.  This dooms them to never fully discover what it means to be truly loved.

Gratefully, something is changing in the church.  The younger generations will not put up with the inauthenticity.  They want their leaders to be real, and they bring the reality of their lives to the table.  Sure, there are still areas where they hide behind a false self, but these walls look far different from the walls that are traditionally erected in the Christian community.  This is a good thing, because the people I am meeting on the job are not ever going to come to a place where they are going to have to be less real about who they are.

Now do not let this first observation lead you to believe that it is all wonderful out there.  The second thought that came to my mind regarding the difference between ministry and this job is that where I am working now I do not see in most people the fundamental underlying call to love.  Do not get me wrong.  They do love.  They love their family, their friends, their baseball team, but they do not have any internal motivation to love those who they do not have a natural affinity for, let along those whom they dislike.  If you are in their inner circle, great, If you are not, screw you. 

I can hear this attitude as they talk about their ex’s, their bosses, their co-workers, and their customers.  When someone has hurt them, done them wrong, or is being unreasonable they do not seek to return to them love, they seek retaliation.  This is probably the hardest thing for my soul to take.

Working in the church, our call is to love our enemy, to reach out in love to the disenfranchised, and to love one another as Christ has loved us.  If we have been hurt, or wronged, or suffered unreasonable people we are to look past them to Jesus and love them on his behalf.  This is not always easy, and I admit I do not always do it well, but behind the reality of what is there is always an internal prodding to love my enemy, to bless those who curse you, to love like Christ loved.

 I do not get any sense of this in the places I have been working.  Rather than despairing over this reality I think to myself how I can model something different.  The other day I had a salesman who was kind of a hard nut to work with.  He was crotchety about everything I had to do at his desk and on his computer.  Rather than responding in kind, or simply ignoring him, I sought to respond with loving-kindness.  It was amazing to see over the course of a day how much his response to me changed.  I do not know if it will change his whole world, but he at least got a glimpse of love.

I think the fact that this difference exists gives great hope for the reality of the love of God to be spread.  As those who follow Jesus seek to love in unworldly ways, the light of love will shine brightly in these otherwise dark places.

The third observation I had, even given this lack of love in the office, was that when sales are good, it does not matter.  When I am working in an office where there have been lots of call and wheels are flying off the shelf, it is amazing how cheerful the environment becomes.  People tease one another, laugh with one another, offer to pick up lunch for one another, and talk about getting a drink with one another.

When something has gone wrong in the day, however, it is a totally different environment.  When a shipment did not go out, or a customer call irate because they got the wrong product, or an order did not get put into the system, or sales are bad the kindheartedness is sucked from the room.  People begin to backbite one another, they speak ill of one another, they blame one another, and they seek to protect themselves, even if it means throwing one another under the bus.

Unfortunately, in this area the two environments seem to me to be quite similar.  When the church is growing, giving is good and you are pushing 1400 everybody is happy.  People are enjoying one another, they are accepting and loving towards one another, they are spending time with one another, and they for one another.

However, if church attendance drops and giving declines, watch out.  Suddenly they begin to blame one another, conspire against one another, they seek to protect themselves, and even throw one another, if not under the bus at least off of it.  It saddens me just how alike these two environments are in this.  This fact causes me to give pause and ask if I ever want to go back to working in a church.

I have hope, however, that a church can be different than the world.  I desire to be part of a community where, because we have been loved by  Christ we can come together as a people and love one another as fully and completely as is humanly possible this side of heaven.  Where this environment enables us to be able to be open and honest with whom we really are, trusting that those around us will not judge, but see in us who were are able to become because of the indwelling of the Spirit of the living God.  Those in this community will be committed to one another to walk with one another, helping each other to grow into who we really are.  When good times come we will be for one another, enjoying God’s blessings, and praising Him together for His gifts, and when hard times come we will resist the temptation to turn on one another, instead seeing the circumstance as an opportunity to demonstrate more fully our trust and dependence on our Father, doubling our support for one another, our belief in one another and willingness to love.

It is this kind of community that will enable the gospel to break through to the places where I have been working lately. It is this kind of community that will bring light into dark places.   It is this kind of community that calls to my heart and it is only the promise and possibility of this kind of community that would move me into stepping back into ministry.  I pray it is with this kind of community in mind that you enter into your places of worships this Sunday.  I pray it shapes the way you interact with people.  I pray the vision of this kind of community fills you with grace for one another and gives you to desire to love one another especially when it is hard, because it is when we love one another in the hard places that we make known the love of God.

May God bless and strengthen you towards this end.

The Hike

With a little more than an hour before I needed to be at the airport I found a trail that led to a waterfall and I took it.

I must say from the very beginning, we who resided in Southern California have no comprehension of how green and lush a trail can be in a climate where they actually get things like rain and snow.  This one attribute bathes the edge of what would be a ho hum stream in great beauty.  It is in this beauty that I journeyed this trail.

Because I started the trail near the waterfall, it was of the first places I stopped. This particular waterfall is manmade.  In fact, when President Linden b. Johnson came to visit it during a drought the city turned on all the fire hydrants up stream to ensure there would be a significant flow of water.   They wanted to guarantee that the President saw it in all its glory.  Today the water was flowing with great vigor and it was beautiful.

After taking in the falls for a few moments, I headed down stream.  The well maintained trail hugged the bank of the stream which supplied a soothing soundtrack for this hike.  The trees provided a cooling canopy of shade.  What a pleasant discovery in my last hour in the city.

About halfway down the trail there was a large steal bridge that crossed the small gorge which had been carved out by this stream.  It was a single span arch, made with steel girders that were quite striking.  I had passed several small foot bridges that crossed the river along the way, but none of them were as splendid as this one.

I attempted to get a decent photo of it with the camera on my phone, but the only thing the trees would allow was glimpses of the bridge.  The canopy was obscuring the view.  I left the trail to find a better vantage point, but none was to be found.  Because of the trees I could not photograph the tree in its entirety.  This was a disappointment.

Finally I turned and started back down the path.  As I walked away from the bridge I had a thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to cut down some of those trees so you could capture the bridge in a photograph.”  Almost immediately, I stopped myself and thought, “What are you thinking?  Here you are hiking down this beautiful trail, made more so by the trees through which it meanders, and you want to thin them out so you can see a bridge.”

What if I forgot about the bridge, quit thinking about what I wished I could see and focused on what is right in front of me?

As I began to do this another ran across my mind, “How many other areas of life do I have the same propensity to look beyond the beauty in front of me, longing to see what is only a notion in the distance?”

Sometimes I can do this with people.  I have had someone standing right in front of me who is uniquely created by God.  They are His workmanship, a person of beauty, and I can be looking over their shoulder anticipating the arrival of someone else rather than being present in the moment.

I can do this with the circumstances of my life.  I have a hope for what is coming, an inkling that there is something beautiful on the horizon, and the preoccupation with what is to come keeps me from seeing the beauty of what God is doing in the here and now.

There are times I do this with my own growth.  I am so focused on who I desire to become that I cannot see the beauty of how God has already shaped me.  This creates a discontent, rather than gratitude for what God has already accomplished.

In each of these examples I am focused on something in the distance that keeps me from fully discovering the beauty of where I find myself in the present moment.

There have been times when I have been hiking that I have been so focused on the destination that I have practically run through the forest.  The drive is so strong to get there that my vision is either focused on an obscured point in the distance, or on the path at my feet. In the process, I miss the beauty of the woods that are flying by me.  Usually this is because I am trying to get somewhere by a certain time, or meet some arbitrary goal I have set for myself.  I may meet it, or get there at the desired moment, but what have I lost along the way?

Scripture tell us our days are ordained, God is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in us, and that He is sovereign over all things.  This should give us great freedom to not worry about those things that seem obscure in the present moment, or which are still some distance away.  It should give us freedom to be able to live in the present moment, enjoying and discovering the beauty of the here and now.

It is amazing to me how many times we are commanded in Scripture to wait and to rest, to simply be in the moment where we find ourselves.  We are not to seek to get there quicker, or cut down trees to gain a better view, but to simply live in trust that God makes all things beautiful in His time.  This kind of trust makes the invitation to live in the present moment one which we can accept.  When we do we will truly see the beauty that is before us.

Psalms 139:16

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

Philippians 1:6
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Proverbs 16: 9

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Joy

Since being laid off from my former employer I have picked up a temporary job installing phones for a manufacturer of wheels at its warehouses across the country.    In making the switch to a new phone system, the company needed someone to go to each location and do the physical installation.  I am grateful to be that man.

The work is a lot like putting a big circuit together that is made up of Ethernet cables, phones, routers, switches, and punch down blocks.  This is what I do.  Once all the hardware is in place I get on a conference call with at least three other people who are programming various parts of the system and we sink the hardware and software together.   We cross our fingers hoping all the sip trunks, IP addresses and firewalls are aligned and the phones come to life.

Some nights this is too much to ask and we can spend hours on the phone trying to diagnose what the problem might be.  It could mean working all day and then staying late into the night.

Some nights, like last night it all goes according to plan.  There is dial tone, there is ringing, and there is a connection!  These nights you go home relatively early, 8:30 pm and the next morning, when you stop by the warehouse to check and make sure all is well, there is not much to do.

On days like this what is created by everything working as it should is time.  There is time to see the area of the country you have only seen through the widows of the plane, rental car, hotel room, and of course the office where you are installing phones.  Now, because all went well, you have a few hours before your next flight to step out from behind the glass and look at this part of the world face to face.

Today, because it all went well last night, I spent time in Lincoln Park.  I strolled through the atrium, meandered through the formal garden, and ambled through the zoo.  It was afternoon and most of the animals were sleeping so I watched people.  I picked a spot on which to perch myself several benches down from a man who was playing a guitar and harmonica at the same time.  

This is very impressive to those of us with no musical talent.

I watched as he played and people passed.  The songs he played were lively and fun. They brought many smiles to the faces of those passing by.  Some would break out singing the song he was playing.  Little children would stop and stare with great curiosity.  People would drop a few coins or a couple of bucks into his guitar case. 

I sat there long enough watching the people and enjoying the music that I was there when he began to close up shop.  He sat his guitar down and began picking the money out of his case.  He then began to put away his instruments.  It was then that I walked up and threw in a few dollars of my own and asked him how long has he been making a living doing this (When you are only temporarily employed you have to be looking for that next job opportunity all the time).  What he shared with me surprised me.

After telling me 24 years, he turned away from the topic of his music and began to talk about the corruption in the city and how the money gained from it seeped into the church.  His logic was that the politicians, who are dishonest, feel guilty and to clear their conscious, give large amounts of money to the church.  Now this is Chicago, a city notorious for its political corruption, so I cannot say it is not true.  Even if it is true, however, this was not the turn of conversation I expected from  a guy who had be playing joyful music just moments before.

He apparently had a lot going through his mind as he sat there and played his songs.  I just listened and let him get it all out.  I am not sure he has had anyone listen to him for quite some time.

He kept talking for a long time he finally paused and said he was sorry for talking so much.  I told him not to worry about it.  He said it just that the corrupt politicians have done so much to steal the joy of freedom and that is all he really wants, to be left alone and be free.

After a brief pause in the conversation I said, “Well, at least you are able to come here and share your music with others, bringing them joy.  His response hit me like a brick.  He said, “ I hate these songs.  I sing them so much when I wake up they are in my head.  I cannot wait until summer is over so I can quit singing them.  It is just a way to make some money to stretch my Social Security check.  It helps me keep a roof over my head.”

I said, “Thank you anyway.  It was nice to meet you and have a great day.”  I then walked away.

If that man only knew how much I wish I had his gifts for music and could bring people the instantaneous joy I witnessed him bring to people.  Maybe then he would think differently about the songs he sings.

I do not have his gifts, but I have others.  I can teach and write in ways that connect to the heart.  I can see how an idea can help shape the future of a community and I can lead others to make it a reality.  I can create.  I can encourage and build up leaders.  I can look a financial sheet and see what is really taking place.  I can love a community deeply.  I have been given gifts to build up the body of Christ, but there are others gifts I have as well.

If it involves using tools I can do it.  I can act as a mechanic, build, weld, wire, and repair.  One of the best compliments I ever received was from a master mechanic who told me I had a future in auto repair if I wanted one.  There is nothing I cannot take apart, put back together, and make work.  These gifts have made possible my stent as a telephone instillation technician.   I was left without a source of income and these gifts have provided some for this season.

It is much more, however, than a way to keep a roof over my head.  Each day, each location, is an opportunity to bring Christ with me to work in ways quite honestly you do not have to think about as a pastor.  Each day is an opportunity to turn to him in gratefulness for what He has provided in this temporary job, to trust him that he will provide something else when this is complete, and to look for joy in the midst of using this set of gifts.

Part of that joy is in the people I meet and the conversations we have, like the divorced dad I met who needed to be encouraged in his struggle to relate to his teenage daughter.  Part of that joy is found in doing something that comes so easily to me and being a bit perplexed as to why the people I am serving seem to be so impressed.  Part of that joy is in serving these people with the same attitude with which Christ served us, humility, love, and self-sacrifice.  I try to set a tone so that when the question comes up, as it almost always does, “How long have you been doing this,” and I tell them I am new and spent the last 21 years as a pastor, I hope when their mind clicks back through the day they can see a connect between my last job and this one.

It does not take long after they discover what I used to do, for a look to come across their face that says, “You must have done something to really screw up to go from being a pastor to installing phones.”  I do not respond, and as hard as it may sound, I take as a grace, recognizing that in this moment of humiliation, part of the joy comes from the fact that I am, in some small way,  sharing in the humility of Christ.

Most of the joy, however, comes from knowing this is what God has placed before me in this season and despite the fact I am working far from the community I love, with people I will never meet again, in a job that will only last for a short season, I can bring glory to my Father and my Father is pleased.

Do not underestimate the joy that can be found here, no matter what your job is.

Power of the Plug

It is amazing what community an electrical outlet will build in an airport. In Oklahoma City International Airport they have entire banks of seats that are wired for power and as you might imagine these are very popular places to sit.  If you were with someone you might not notice the diversity of people these seats collect, but traveling alone you listen more than you speak and you cannot help but hear pieces of the lives of the people who are sitting next to you.

Today, while parked in my powered seat, I could not help but hear the conversations of six Navy recruits who were sitting behind me.  They were on their way to Chicago where they would be inducted into the service and begin their basic training.  You could hear the nervous excitement in their voices as they bantered back and forth.

They talked about what it would be like when they arrived.  They wondered how much they would get yelled at on their first day.  They joked about what they would look like with no hair.  Their plane was delayed and they wondered if they would get into trouble for being late. They talked about  the kinds of jobs they hoped be given and they shared the promises their individual recruiters made to each of them.

It was a pleasure to listen in on what was going on in their hearts and minds as they were getting ready to make this important transition in their lives.

I must not have been the only one listening in on their conversation because a man, who quickly identified himself as a former Navy man, came and sat down and began to ask a slew of questions.

Now, I have to confess from the very beginning, my judgmental heart quickly discerned that his questions were not formed to discover more about these young men and women, but  to demonstrate how much he knew.  He rattled off so many acronyms and military jargon that I did not understand and I am sure the recruits hand not yet learned.  This just added to the sense that he possessed all knowledge of all things Navy.

From this expertise he began to asked questions about what kind of training they had been promised, what jobs they wanted, what they had heard about basic training, and on what kind of ship did they want to serve.

With each answer given  he would respond with, “”That not how it really is,” or “You don’t want that job,” or “You will not get what the recruiter promised unless it is in writing.”  Not once in his entire conversation did he give one encouraging response like, “Good Choice,” or “You will love that job,” or “You’ll do great.”  He just kept demonstrating his superior understanding of the Navy and devaluing any response a recruit gave to his questions.

He was not even talking to me, but to be honest it was hard for me to listen to what he was saying to these young men and women.  I cannot imagine how hard it was for these recruits, who were in limbo between having signed away the next four years of their life in the recruiter’s office, and the reality of what it is really going to be like once they get to Chicago, to have to pay attention to him.

It must have been too much because one recruit finally said, “I don't care about all that, the Navy is my ticket out of Oklahoma.”  I think this statement was code for, “Thanks bud for butting into a significant transitional moment in our lives and stealing all the excitement, adventure and joy from it.  That is exactly what I need to hear right before I head off to what might just be the hardest eight weeks of my life.  Where in the world were you when I was walking into the recruiter’s office?  Do me a favor, if you run into my mom please do not share what you have just shared with me.  I think she needs to be able to hold on to the hope for my future you have just robbed me of.  Thanks again.”

Now, in fairness, I have not been in the military and so I cannot judge how much of what this guy shared is true.  I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and say it was all true.  My question is this, what good was it for him to share it at this moment.  These recruits cannot go back to the recruiter and say, “I made a mistake and I want to go home.”  They cannot change what will happen to them tonight, tomorrow, or for the next eight weeks.  All they can do, in the strength of their own character, is walk the journey that is set before them.  There is no need to cause them to worry about tomorrow or to regret what they agreed to yesterday.

 Instead, what they needed was to be encouraged and strengthened for the moment they are about to face.

Listening to this conversation made me think about the people who come across our path who are at a significant transition in life that we have lived before.  Maybe they are graduating, getting married, or having a baby.  Maybe they just found out they have cancer,  had a loved one die, or they have just walked through the death of their marriage.  There is always a temptation, especially if we have walked the same path before, to impress them with our knowledge of the situation or tell them what it will really be like.  More often than not this brings very little help and does more to discourage than build up.  This is almost never our intention, but unfortunately, it happens.

What if instead, we simply listened, and when they did not know what to say we asked questions that help them understand what they are thinking and feeling rather than providing an opportunity for us to share what we know.  What if we allowed them to discover for themselves what comes next and we see our role to encourage and strengthen them with words that build them up and bless.  What effect would this have?

I think it could have a powerful effect.  I think it could build them up, encourage them, let them know they are heard and what they think and feel is valued, even if there is nothing that can be done to change the circumstance.  This is more significant than you may know.  It empowers people to walk through difficult situations. It gives them a voice. It makes them feel loved and not alone.

Now that is a great gift to give someone who is heading into a significant life transition.

The man who had come to give all his wisdom finally got up to go and catch his plane, much to the relief of us all.  As soon as he was gone, one of the recruits, a 24 year-old women who's husband is already serving in the Navy, turned to the group and said, “I just received a text from my husband and he said the flight being delayed is out of our control and out of the Navy’s control and it will not reflect badly on us when we arrive.”    With that one reassuring statement, the conversation was lifted and they went back to being nervously excited about what was coming next.  It was exactly what they need to hear.  Once again they shared what was on their hearts and minds and they listened to one another.

I could not help but think to myself, “Good work recruit.”  That woman had leadership written all over her.  I think she will do quite well in the service.  May they all excel at whatever role they are given.

Which would you choose?

Last Sunday I had the privilege to go to church with my friends Mark and Denise in Parker, Colorado.  As part of the sermon the pastor made a passing comment about love, trust and relationships.  I have been thinking about it ever since.  So you can join me in my pondering, I want to ask you this question:

If you had to choose between love or trust in a relationships, which would you choose? 

Now let me just say at the very outset the best kinds of relationships possess both, but that does not mean all relationships have both.  There are times in life and in our relationships that we only get one or the other, and if this were the case in a relationship you have in your life, which would you choose?

Think about it for a minute.

After thinking about it you may want to argue with me and say you cannot have one without the other, but this is just not true.  You can love someone whom you do not trust, and you can trust someone you do not love.  Refusing to accept this simple truth can open you up to a great deal of hurt.

Think about someone you love, or are called to love, but do not trust.  An example of this kind of person might be a family who member who has broken your trust over and over again.  It is always painful when someone breaks our trust, but it is even more so when it is someone one you love.  If they have broken your trust enough you many have had to build boundaries in your life to keep them from wounding you again, and again.  Your heart simply cannot take the risk of trusting them one more time and having it wrecked once more.

Though this may be a sad reality in a relationship you have, it may also be a reality that it does not change the deep seeded truth that you still love them.

Another person who may fit into this category is your enemy.  Scripture is very clear, we are to love our enemies, but if they are truly our enemies, it is important to be able to distinguish between love and trust.  Trusting our enemy might very well bring destruction into our life.  This fact, however, does not negate our ability to love them, to want good for them, and to do good to when we have the opportunity to do so without opening ourselves to being affected by their untrustworthiness.

This kind of love requires a great deal of trust in God, but that is another blog.

Now turn your attention to someone you trust, but may not love.  It could be someone who irritates you, or whom you cannot stand.  It could be someone you would not choose to have any dealings with except for the fact that through work, church, school, where you live, or some other life circumstance you have been thrown together.

Even though you might not choose to have them in your life, you may have made the discovery that they are trustworthy.  They do what they say they will do.  They treat you with fairness, even though you are not the best of friends.  You can count on them to come through.  While love may not be the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of them, you know when push comes to shove you can trust them.  Chances are you have one or even several of these kinds of people in your life.

Given all of this, which would you chose in a relationship love or trust?

Of course I, like you, would want to choose both, but if I could choose only one I would choose trust.

Trust allows me to have relationship with a person, the kind of relationship where we are able to depend upon one another, seek what is good for one another, open to one another without the fear that we will hurt each other.  In fact, now that I think about it, I am not sure you can have any kind of positive, life giving  real relationship unless there is trust.

Love on the other hand, while it may compel me to seek the good for another, does not guarantee the possibility of relationship.  This is true, not only for us, but for God.  Scripture tells us that God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son for us.  There is no greater love than this.  However, even this immense love does not mean that a man will have relationship with God.  Something more is required; faith, belief, or put another way trust.

It is important we recognize this fundamental truth about relationships or we might open ourselves up to great injury.

With those whom I both love and trust I can enter into relationship with full abandon.

With those whom I trust, but have not developed love, I can enter into relationship hoping the trust we share and the association that is made possible will one day grow into love.

And with those whom I love but do not trust, the appropriate response it to seek their good, but not put myself in a position to be wounded by them once again, unless of course, the trust that has been lost has been rebuilt. 

In my experience this takes repentance, admitting the wrong and a turning away from one pattern of life to embrace another.  It also takes a willingness to forgive, and the experience of trustworthiness that only comes with time. Until these are entered into, no real relationship is possible, nor can real trust be rebuilt.  The amazing part is, if two people, for the sake of love are willing to walk this path, restoration is possible.  This is a hard road, and not many choose it.

If I had my way relationships would always possess both love and trust. This combination makes it possible for each person to feel safe, grow, and give selflessly to the other.  Unfortunately, in our broken world relationships sometimes offer one or the other.  It seems to me, given how hard it is to rebuild trust, and given the fact that a mutually trusting relationship almost naturally moves towards love, I would choose trust.

To make this choice it is far less about finding someone whom I can trust, and far more about being someone whom others can trust.  I am not always perfect at this, and so when I break trust I must be willing to go to the other person and ask for forgiveness, and in the process invite the other to join me on the path of restoration.

I have had to do this more often than I care to admit with my wife, my children, friends, and a couple of times with total strangers.  What I have found is their surprise of having someone admit they have made a mistake, broken trust, and ask forgiveness and often it is all a person needs to be willing to take the risk of beginning the process of restoration.   And while this is never as good as having not broken trust, since we all break trust at times, it does provide its own kind of security, knowing that even if we do something that is harmful to a relationship, not only is restoration is possible but also often very sweet.

If we would all be willing to take the first step, maybe there would be no need to choose between love and trust.

Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. – Matthew5:23-24