Waiting to Walk

I love to walk. I started walking as a way to exercise, but it did not take long before it became much more than a physical activity. The act of walking provides the space where I can meditate on Scripture and turn my heart towards God in prayer.   The cadence of the steps I take have become a rhythm for my soul. Because of this reality walking has become a very sacred practice to me and that is why I love it.

Given this fact, you can imagine how disappointing it is that I cannot currently walk as I normally would.  It started several months ago when I began experiencing pain in my heal.  I self diagnosed it as plantar fasciitis, because when I typed in the symptoms into a search engine that is what came out..  I also explained what it felt like to several friends and told them what I thought it was.  They nodded their head in agreement.  Eventually, I explained what I was feeling to a doctor and they confirmed my diagnoses.  

The internet and my friends have given me ideas on how to care for my injury.  I was instructed to massage my foot with a tennis ball.  If that did not do the trick someone suggested freezing a water bottle and rolling my foot on this as a way to apply cold to the areas.  There were also suggestions regarding stretching, wearing a night brace, and for inserts for my shoes.  Wanting to get back to my normal rhythm of walking, I put all these into practice.

When I saw the doctor I explained how I was treating this inflammation and she simply said, “You are doing the right stuff. Keep it up.”  When I asked how long it would take to heal, the doctor told me months.  This is not what I wanted to hear so I have kept seeking input in order to find the magic cure.

Last night I was at a party and discovered one of the guests works for an orthopedic firm. Now, she was not a doctor, but she works very closely with one so I asked her if she knew of any secret to speed up the healing.  The answer was no. 

She actually knew quite a bit about what I was experiencing, how it is treated and how long it generally takes to heal.  Simply put, she knew enough to be very certain, beyond what I was already doing; you simply cannot speed up the healing process.  As hard as it is to accept, the fact of the matter is there is no secret.  It simply takes time.

This left me with only one option, to wait.  I don’t like waiting.  I want to see results now, but the reality is for broken things to heal it takes time.  For the kind of transformation I desire to take place in the tissue of my foot I will have to wait.

Today, I was reminded how much waiting is present in Scripture. Abraham waited for a son.  Moses tended sheep for 40 years while he waited. The people of Israel waited to be delivered from bondage in Egypt.  They waited again in the dessert. The palmist cried out on numerous occasions, “How long oh Lord!” The people of God waited for a Messiah.  Jesus went into the dessert for 40 days.  The disciples waited for the resurrection and for the day of Pentecost.  It seems waiting is necessary for transformation whether it be physical or spiritual, and most of us do not like to wait.

Our culture, technology and our impatience have all worked together to produce a society where we do as little waiting as absolutely necessary.  After all, waiting feels like a waste of time. It feels like we are doing nothing.  When we are waiting it feels like we are not making any progress and it grates us the wrong way.  We stubbornly respond by looking for ways to get around it, at least I do.

Waiting, however, is not standing still.  While I rest my foot and wait to walk it is actually healing, even if I cannot sense it in a moment, a day or even a week of days. 

If we were to carefully go back through the stories in Scripture where people were forced to wait, I think we would discover there was actually much going on. It was in the waiting they were discovering the truth about themselves, the reality that God can be trusted, and they were being prepared for what was to come.  All very important ares of growth, which simple cannot be rushed.

We learn from their seasons of waiting something of the reality of its necessity for healing and growth.  We also learn from their moments of weakness and refusal to wait what a mess it can make.  I don’t know about you, but I would rather opt for healing and growth than a big mess any day.

Where are you waiting in your life?  How are you responding to being in this place?  What are you discovering about yourself, and your ability to trust God?  What are you being prepared for?  These are far different kinds of questions to ask than "How long will the wait be?" or "When will I be able to move on?"

When we are invited into a season of waiting we must decide if the space between now and when the waiting is over will be filled with frustration born from our unwillingness to enter the waiting, or will we receive it as an opportunity to trust that something very significant is taking place, even if we cannot perceive it in the moment.

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! – Isaiah 30:18

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. – Psalm 27:14

The Gift of a Limp

This week I had the opportunity to meet with a mentor I have been walking with for the past three years.  When I first started getting together with her she was attached to a university.  She has since graduated and now resides in a rest home. While she has retired from most of her responsibilities she is still willing to get together and for that I am grateful.

Normally we meet once a month, but when I started calling a few weeks ago to set up our next appointment I was unable to track her down.  I was a bit worried.  You can imagine how happy I was to hear her voice when she finally called me back to set up an appointment.  She sounded good; I was relieved and was excited to get together. 

The last time we met was just before my book came out and I promised to bring her a copy the next time I saw her.  With book in hand I entered the building excited to see her face.  I expected to find her in the lobby as usual, but she was not there.  The receptionist offered to call her room and let her know I had arrived.  There was no answer, so I took a seat and waited.

Several minutes later I heard the sound of a walker making its way down the hall.  I was surprised to find my mentor was the one who was piloting it.  She had never had need to use one before.  I stood, walked over to her and made a comment about the shinny ride she was sporting.  She chuckled and said it wasn’t quite like a new car, but it was helpful.

When we finally settled at a table on the patio, she told me she had experienced a series of falls and found herself in the hospital for several weeks.  The doctors were trying to determine what was causing her dizziness.  While they were not able to verify the cause of her condition, she was given this beautiful burgundy walker as a parting gift. 

With that she dropped the subject and turned our focus to the book.  She ran her hands over the cover as if she was savoring the moment before she picked it up.  Then she opened the cover and turned a few pages until she reached the Table of Contents. She began to read each title, pausing on the ones which peaked her interest as if she was savoring the sound of it. She would then give me a look which said, “I can’t wait to read that one.”  I took pleasure in watching how delighted she seemed to be to be holding The Good Way.

She began asking me questions about the book and how present the Camino is in my current life.  Our conversation weaved between the story which is told in the book and what is happening presently in life.  At one point I began to share with her an insight I had been thinking about which I did not include in my telling of the story in the book. 

I shared how I had twisted my ankle with six days left to walk.  I told her how the timing of the injury seemed to be in alignment with the unfolding story of my life’s journey.  This was something my wife had pointed out to me when it happened.  I was able to finish the Camino, but it was with a limp.  In some ways it made the final days of walking even sweeter. Walking with a limp was a gift when there had been a real possibility of not walking at all.   

I shared that I have been wondering if this might not also mirror my life’s journey.  While I will walk the path ahead of me, I wondered if from here on out it will always be with a limp.

This brought to mind Jacob and the limp he carried with him for the rest of his life. Somehow, the wrenching of Jacob’s hip as he struggled with the man with whom he had wrestled with all night long was tied to the blessing he would receive from the same individual.  I told my mentor what I was thinking and shared I do not naturally think of a limp as a gift, but maybe it is.

She turned and placed her hand on her walker and said, “Maybe I should call my walker God because I have to wrestle with it?” I laughed, looked around, and then offered, “You had better be careful about who hears you refer to your walker as God or you might have bigger issues.”  She laughed.  I then said, “But I see what you mean, it reminds you of your dependence on Him.”  She agreed and then offered so much more, “It also steadies, supports and allows me to maintain my balance.”  Our limps allows us to discover more than the fact we are dependent, they allow us to experience the One who steadies, supports and brings balance.

Maybe you do not have a need for a walker, but chances are you have a limp of some kind.  While you may have found it discouraging at times, my prayer would be that it would be the lens through which you would discover how near and powerful God is.  Without need we cannot experience the one who provides.  Without circumstances which rock our world we will not discover the presence of the one who calms the seas. Without woundedness we will not be amazed by the one who heals.

In the light of the One who does all these things, our limps become less of an affliction and more of blessings.  They no longer cut off our life, but become the wellspring from which it flows.  They become a constant reminder of the fact we walk in the presence of the one who is able to be our firm foundation, hold us securely and restore our equilibrium.

Sitting on the patio, staring at my mentor's walker, thinking about these things, I could see it as truly beautiful.

You Brood of Vipers!

“You snakes, you brood of vipers.” Addressing someone in such a manner does not feel like the best way to win friends and influence people. It seems more likely to drive a wedge between people and draw battle lines in a conflict.  And yet, Jesus had no problem speaking such seemingly harsh words.  In fact, in one chapter of scripture, Matthew 23, Jesus not only calls the teachers of the law and the Pharisees snakes he also calls them hypocrites, children of hell, blind guides, fools, and whitewash tombs. Ouch!

We have all had moments when we were tempted to address someone like this.  Thankfully, most of the time we manage to refrain.  What keeps us from speaking such harsh words may be the fear of how the other person might respond or because we have no desire to escalate the conflict, but I think for most of us we simply believe speaking words like this to someone would be unkind at best and unloving at worst?  A loving and kind person would never say such things to someone else. Right?

Where does that leave us with Jesus?  Do we just chalk His words up to the fact the religious leaders were so bad that they justified Jesus’ comments.  Was it acceptable for Jesus to be unkind to them because of the burden they placed upon the people.  Was He justified in being unloving to these men who seemed to be misguided, and seemingly operating out of mixed motives, when it came to their life long devotion to serving God and His people.

Part of what makes a good story is the conflict between good and evil, the clash between the good guys and the bad guys.  In the Gospels Jesus and his followers are definitely the good guys, and the religious leaders seem to be the bad guys.  Reading Jesus words from this point of view makes what He said seem quite justified. 

I can just imagine the crowd which was listening to this exchange cheering as each phrase rolled off of Jesus' tongue.  “Way to strike another blow at the bad guys Jesus!”  I can imagine them feeling like I did as I watched the final scene in Cinderella Man as James Braddock unleash a flurry of blows upon his evil opponent Max Baer.  I was so drawn into the emotion of the moment I began throwing punches in the dark movie theater, buffeting the air in hopes it would somehow strength Braddock to finish the fight, and triumph over his opponent.  Is this what Jesus was seeking to stir in the crowd as he pummeled his opponents with his words?

It is hard for us to consider anything else, especially given our love for these kinds of stories, (Cinderella Man is one of my favorite movies) but I have been thinking about this perspective and the fact we want to split everything and everyone in to good and bad.  Given this point of view Jesus’ seemingly unkind and unloving words not only feel justified, but right. Is that how we should really see it?

I not sure, but one thing I do know, Jesus is that He is the embodiment of love.  Scripture tells us that God is love. It is not simply a quality He displays.  It is who He is.  Scripture also tells us Jesus is Emmanuel, which means God with us.  Love is not something Jesus exhibits.  Jesus is love Let that sink in for just a moment.

Jesus is love when He is healing people.  He is love when He shares people sorrows.  He is love when He speaks words of life.  He is love when He touches the unclean.  He is love when He engages and embraces the outcast. He is love when He eats with sinners and tax collectors.  He is love when He washes His disciples’ feet.  He is love when He gives up His life for us, and I have to believe, because He is the incarnation of love, He is also love when He speaks what we hear as harsh word to the teachers of the law and the Pharisees.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we should read them in the text as touchy-feely phrases which should make those who they are directed to feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  They are indeed rebukes.  I am sure they cut the religious leaders to the core, but I do not believe Jesus spoke them in order  to injure.  He was not seeking to kill and destroy. That is not why He came.  He came to impart life, life to the full.  Given this fact, what if His words were not meant to wound, but to heal.  What if any cutting they did was not intended to harm, but to remove the very thing which was destroying the opportunity for the teachers of the law and Pharisees to experience the life they not only were intended, but desired in the deep place of their heart, to live?

If this was the case, I think we would see these harsh words in an entirely different light.  Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Could it be that Jesus was being a faithful friend, even to these religious leaders?  Rather than pummeling an opponent, could He have been  inviting them to discover life?

What Jesus said about the religious leaders was true, and it was hard to hear for sure, but could it also have been spoken in love. In our culture we have such an aversion to speaking words which are both hard and true.  We think if a person speaks words which cut someone to the core they must be unkind, and  unloving, What if, however, it was just the opposite? What if speaking the hard truth was actually a very loving act?  What if the words spoken actually pointed to the the way of healing?  If we recognized them as such we would probably embrace the speaker as a faithful friend rather than dismissing what they have said.

Thinking about all of this has changed the way I read Matthew 23.  I no longer envision it as a prize fight and my guy, the good guy, wins.  I see it as a glimpse into a surgical ward, where the one who speaks such words does not find joy in the blows He delivers, but rather utters them in the hopes they will bring about healing.  It is truth which opens our hearts to healing and sets us free.  This seems especially true when the words are hard to hear.

In Acts 6:10, after Jesus has shown us the fullness of his love and has returned to the Father it says this, “So the word of God spread. The number of disciples in Jerusalem increased rapidly, and a large number of priests (many of whom were Pharisees and teachers of the law) became obedient to the faith.”  Isn't it surprising so many of those who were choosing to follow Jesus were the very same people to whom Jesus has spoken so harshly.

I cannot help but wonder how many of these priests might have been listening when Jesus spoke the words in Matthew 23.  If they were there to hear him utter those words, I imagine they were quite painful to hear.  Even so, I also wonder if they were also the words which planted the seeds which would later give birth to belief. Given their faith, I wonder if later those religious leaders, looking back on words Jesus had spoken, considered them far more loving than harsh.

From their new vantage point, Jesus' words must now have appeared to be words of life, motivated by love, and spoken as an invitation to freedom. Knowing who Jesus is and looking squarely at the one who is the personification of love, I cannot imagine them being anything else.