Power of the Plug

It is amazing what community an electrical outlet will build in an airport. In Oklahoma City International Airport they have entire banks of seats that are wired for power and as you might imagine these are very popular places to sit.  If you were with someone you might not notice the diversity of people these seats collect, but traveling alone you listen more than you speak and you cannot help but hear pieces of the lives of the people who are sitting next to you.

Today, while parked in my powered seat, I could not help but hear the conversations of six Navy recruits who were sitting behind me.  They were on their way to Chicago where they would be inducted into the service and begin their basic training.  You could hear the nervous excitement in their voices as they bantered back and forth.

They talked about what it would be like when they arrived.  They wondered how much they would get yelled at on their first day.  They joked about what they would look like with no hair.  Their plane was delayed and they wondered if they would get into trouble for being late. They talked about  the kinds of jobs they hoped be given and they shared the promises their individual recruiters made to each of them.

It was a pleasure to listen in on what was going on in their hearts and minds as they were getting ready to make this important transition in their lives.

I must not have been the only one listening in on their conversation because a man, who quickly identified himself as a former Navy man, came and sat down and began to ask a slew of questions.

Now, I have to confess from the very beginning, my judgmental heart quickly discerned that his questions were not formed to discover more about these young men and women, but  to demonstrate how much he knew.  He rattled off so many acronyms and military jargon that I did not understand and I am sure the recruits hand not yet learned.  This just added to the sense that he possessed all knowledge of all things Navy.

From this expertise he began to asked questions about what kind of training they had been promised, what jobs they wanted, what they had heard about basic training, and on what kind of ship did they want to serve.

With each answer given  he would respond with, “”That not how it really is,” or “You don’t want that job,” or “You will not get what the recruiter promised unless it is in writing.”  Not once in his entire conversation did he give one encouraging response like, “Good Choice,” or “You will love that job,” or “You’ll do great.”  He just kept demonstrating his superior understanding of the Navy and devaluing any response a recruit gave to his questions.

He was not even talking to me, but to be honest it was hard for me to listen to what he was saying to these young men and women.  I cannot imagine how hard it was for these recruits, who were in limbo between having signed away the next four years of their life in the recruiter’s office, and the reality of what it is really going to be like once they get to Chicago, to have to pay attention to him.

It must have been too much because one recruit finally said, “I don't care about all that, the Navy is my ticket out of Oklahoma.”  I think this statement was code for, “Thanks bud for butting into a significant transitional moment in our lives and stealing all the excitement, adventure and joy from it.  That is exactly what I need to hear right before I head off to what might just be the hardest eight weeks of my life.  Where in the world were you when I was walking into the recruiter’s office?  Do me a favor, if you run into my mom please do not share what you have just shared with me.  I think she needs to be able to hold on to the hope for my future you have just robbed me of.  Thanks again.”

Now, in fairness, I have not been in the military and so I cannot judge how much of what this guy shared is true.  I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and say it was all true.  My question is this, what good was it for him to share it at this moment.  These recruits cannot go back to the recruiter and say, “I made a mistake and I want to go home.”  They cannot change what will happen to them tonight, tomorrow, or for the next eight weeks.  All they can do, in the strength of their own character, is walk the journey that is set before them.  There is no need to cause them to worry about tomorrow or to regret what they agreed to yesterday.

 Instead, what they needed was to be encouraged and strengthened for the moment they are about to face.

Listening to this conversation made me think about the people who come across our path who are at a significant transition in life that we have lived before.  Maybe they are graduating, getting married, or having a baby.  Maybe they just found out they have cancer,  had a loved one die, or they have just walked through the death of their marriage.  There is always a temptation, especially if we have walked the same path before, to impress them with our knowledge of the situation or tell them what it will really be like.  More often than not this brings very little help and does more to discourage than build up.  This is almost never our intention, but unfortunately, it happens.

What if instead, we simply listened, and when they did not know what to say we asked questions that help them understand what they are thinking and feeling rather than providing an opportunity for us to share what we know.  What if we allowed them to discover for themselves what comes next and we see our role to encourage and strengthen them with words that build them up and bless.  What effect would this have?

I think it could have a powerful effect.  I think it could build them up, encourage them, let them know they are heard and what they think and feel is valued, even if there is nothing that can be done to change the circumstance.  This is more significant than you may know.  It empowers people to walk through difficult situations. It gives them a voice. It makes them feel loved and not alone.

Now that is a great gift to give someone who is heading into a significant life transition.

The man who had come to give all his wisdom finally got up to go and catch his plane, much to the relief of us all.  As soon as he was gone, one of the recruits, a 24 year-old women who's husband is already serving in the Navy, turned to the group and said, “I just received a text from my husband and he said the flight being delayed is out of our control and out of the Navy’s control and it will not reflect badly on us when we arrive.”    With that one reassuring statement, the conversation was lifted and they went back to being nervously excited about what was coming next.  It was exactly what they need to hear.  Once again they shared what was on their hearts and minds and they listened to one another.

I could not help but think to myself, “Good work recruit.”  That woman had leadership written all over her.  I think she will do quite well in the service.  May they all excel at whatever role they are given.